Changeling
by theapexpredat0r
Summary: Stuffed animals are just companions for children. We all know that. Zim doesn't. Dib finds himself having to look after a completely immobile, completely helpless stuffed!Zim, and it's not too fun babysitting your worst enemy. ZaDR, fluff.
1. The Great Asking Out of Gaz

**A/N: Bloop be doop. I've apparently moved on from the world of Code: LYOKO since I just don't seem to have any passion for it anymore, sadly. I was forcing myself to write, and that's never good. I come out with the worst stories when I do that. So here's a story I actually want to write, one that will probably go until the end, because it's extremely fun writing it. I know there hasn't been any ZaDR in like a few months, so let's see if I can freshen up the archive a little bit, eh?**

"Filthy human!"

"Slimy little alien!"

Zim clenched his fists so hard that his claws left small marks in the palms of his hands. "LIES! I am not _little,_ Dib-stink!" Appropriately enough, he didn't comment on the fact that he'd been called slimy. That was probably a compliment to aliens, Dib mused as he ran across the cafeteria table, headed for Zim. Their fights were quite predictable, and the rest of the hi skool that had the same lunch period as Dib and Zim had learned to stay on the edge tables as the two carried out their near-daily fights with each other. "And Zim is fairly certain that he is one hundred percent human!"

For years now, no one had suspected that Zim was an alien. Zim had just assumed they were stupid. Still, they were in hi skool now and Zim felt he had to work just a little harder to keep his true identity a secret. Who knew if one of the worm babies would decide to suddenly grow some brains? He wasn't too worried about Dib; after all, Dib had been warning his fellow humans for years and no one had believed him. They wouldn't start now.

Dib launched himself off the end of the table and tackled Zim to the ground. Zim's wig, which he'd traded in for a slightly more modern, emo-style one, flew off, and Dib cheered in triumph, stepping away from him. "Aha! See?" He grinned, sure that he had won this time. "See? It's a wig! Zim's an alien!"

He watched as a few kids who were on their last days of putting up with Dib's antics tiredly looked over at Zim, who had flattened his long antennae so tight against his head that they just looked like black lines, unless you were looking at them from the back, in which case you could see the bend in them. One girl rolled her eyes and said, "God, Dib, torturing the new kid. He probably has some kind of disease."

"Uhm...yes, that's it," said Zim as he refitted his wig. "I've got a HORRIBLE human disease that caused me to lose all my human hair."

"Wh-What?" Dib stammered, face falling. "He doesn't have a disease! Why would he have a disease? He's an alien! And – wait, he's not new! He's been here for five years now!"

He wasn't too surprised, though. He'd had to deal with his strange classmates for his entire skool life, and the fact that they apparently thought Zim was still a new kid was just the kind of thing they'd do.

The rest of the day went by in what passed as uneventful for the hi skool, with Dib mostly trying to expose Zim as an alien and no one believing him. One would think that after finding that there was no way to uncover Zim, Dib would stop even trying, but it had gone on so long that Dib wasn't even sure what he had done before Zim arrived. He only knew that he got up every day, went to skool, and looked for new ways to expose Zim. Then he went home, did homework, ate dinner, watched _Mysterious Mysteries_, and went to bed. To be honest, the thought of straying from that routine made him uncomfortable.

Dib and Gaz walked home that afternoon in silence. Gaz was deep into her Game Slave XII, ignoring Dib as always. Dib was busy wondering how Game Slave kept coming out with new models when there was so much violence involved in getting them. Besides, he didn't really like video games. They were an escape from reality, and Dib was so obsessed with proving that aliens and the paranormal were real that playing video games was pretty much the exact opposite of his goal and would send him on a backwards track.

"So I heard you took off Zim's wig today," Gaz said in the few seconds of blank space between levels.

"Yeah. But some genius girl in lunch decided to give Zim the idea of an excuse that he had a horrible disease, and then I looked like the insensitive jerk of the century." Dib sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's not fair. I don't understand why he keeps evading discovery like this."

"Maybe because everyone in the world is just too stupid."

"No, that can't be it..."

"Oh, and don't tell Dad but I got asked out today."

Dib temporarily put his obsession aside and grinned at Gaz, knowing that physical contact would be met with a fate worse than death. "Gaz, that's great! Someone from skool?"

"Of course not, monkey. He's a model. Oh, shit, game's back on." She disappeared back into her own world and Dib knew that if he spoke another word, he'd be hit with a blunt object. Instead, he thought over it silently. Gaz going on a date. She was fifteen, so it was about time. Dib just hadn't been expecting it to happen today, or any day, really. He would have been startled no matter when Gaz popped it on him.

He was secretly kind of jealous, though. Gaz had become a beautiful teenage girl. She had a killer body, the kind that made Dib wonder just what was wrong with the kids in skool for not asking her out sooner. Probably the same thing that kept them from seeing that Zim was an alien. It seemed appropriate that it had been a model that had asked her out. But meanwhile, Dib was sixteen years old, completely available, and hadn't been asked out once. He supposed it made sense since he tended to be a little on the strange side, but wasn't there at least one person interested in him?

"You have stabilization tonight," Gaz announced a few minutes later.

Dib cursed under his breath. "I hate stabilization. Why don't you have to do it?"

"Because I'm more stable than you are, duh. Dad says I'll probably never need to go through stabilization."

It only figured. Gaz got the looks _and_ the stability. Just one more thing to add to Gaz's normal life. Dib didn't want to be perfect. He just wanted to be at least somewhat normal. It sure would make life easier. He wouldn't ever want to give up his paranormal research, but other than that, he could stand being normal. Maybe people would start talking to him then. Or maybe it was just his obsession with Zim that caused them to hate him. Who really knew?

"It's okay," said Gaz flippantly. "It only takes an hour."

"It _hurts_, Gaz. It hurts like hell. And it makes me feel like some experiment."

"Well, you are."

Dib stormed home angrily, trying to forget the conversation. Because it was true, of course. Gaz was right. He was an experiment created by his father and he'd known it for a while. Membrane didn't seem to have any problem with telling Dib and then leaving him alone to think about it without any fatherly affection or even just a talk to help him understand.

When he flung open the door, his father was messing around with something in the kitchen; Dib could hear him muttering to himself. Probably fixing up the microwave or something. "Is that you, son?" he called across the house.

Dib shut the door behind him and went into the kitchen, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. "I'm not your son. I don't want you to call me that anymore. It was fine when I didn't know that I was just...an experiment. But now...well, it just seems like a lie."

As usual, Membrane didn't look up or hug Dib or have any kind of emotional breakthrough to prove that he was capable of having a normal father-son relationship. "You're being stabilized tonight, just so you know. The more often you do it, the longer that body will last."

Dib wanted to rip his ears off. What kind of person stood there talking about someone they were supposed to care about like that? Like they were just some inanimate object, or alien, or—

_Alien._

He shut that thought out immediately. He wasn't anything like that horrible Zim. They had nothing in common. Right? Dib was a clone, not an alien. They were totally different.

His eyes drifted to the oven clock. It was three-thirty, which meant three hours until stabilization. He'd have to watch _Mysterious Mysteries_ while unable to move. Wonderful. "Fine," he said at last, "stabilize me. Whatever. It's not like you actually care about me as a son, anyway."

True to form, Membrane continued fixing up whatever he'd built, oblivious to Dib's hurt. "You know, as long as you continue to stabilize that body continually, you can live forever. And I'm working on something so that you can alter your age as well. Isn't that fantastic?"

"Yeah...fantastic." Dib sighed and left the room. Sure, he'd like to live forever. Maybe people in the future wouldn't be as stupid as they were today and someone would finally believe him about Zim. He'd be around to defend his planet from the horrible fate that Zim was trying to cause. But somehow that didn't make up for the lack of any kind of emotional response from Membrane. He crashed onto the couch and flipped on the TV.

Gaz came in a few moments later, still playing her Game Slave. She took one look at Dib and said in a singsong voice, "_Dib's gonna be stabilized..._"

"Shut up, Gaz!"

"Dib's gonna live forever and still not have any friends..."

"Gaz!"

"Hey, maybe Zim will be your friend," she continued, knowing it got under Dib's skin. She knew he'd never want to have anything to do with the alien except be his worst enemy. "He'll probably live forever. You can be the freak twins."

Dib stuffed his face into the back cushion of the couch so that his ears were blocked. It was the only way to escape sometimes — to go to his own world where his father and Gaz didn't exist, where he only had to worry about himself. Where no one lived except for him, and he got all the attention he needed from everyone because he was the only one there.

**I just started watching IZ a week and a half ago, and I've been completely sucked into the fandom. Probably my favorite show ever. I watch it religiously now. Last night was the episode with Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom which I've seen already, but it's always great. "And I'm speaking to myself in a loud and unnatural manner. Neat!" It's the only show I've seen where the character actually acknowledging their aside is funny.**

**To clear up a few things: For this fic, pretend the episode _Mysterious Mysteries_ has never happened. It's crucial to the plot. Well, kind of. It depends. Anyway, I'm trying very hard to get the characters in-character. Gaz is particularly hard because I like writing her dialogue but she doesn't talk much, and I don't tend to be violent enough. Zim is easy because all I have to do is make him violent and capitalize a few words and make sure he sounds remotely like he does in the show. XD Dib...well, I have a soft spot for emo!Dib where he's kind of neglected and sad and so on. The bit with Membrane might seem like a bit much, but when you have a neglectful parent you often try to get them to notice you. I have a mom who's like Membrane but without the smart and with a little abuse (that happened a while ago), so I know what it's like. Trust me, that would happen for pretty much anyone with a parent that neglects them.**

**Also, I recycle a few canon-quotes for GIR but not a lot because it's fun making up his random speech. Aaaand what else. Uhm. Oh, yes. This story is probably going to be pretty heavily review-based, as in "the more comments I get, the faster I will update". I don't like to be routine about my updates because stuff can come up without warning and then everyone hates me for not posting on time. So if I receive a good response, I'll be speedy about updating the next chapter, and so on. I have a few more chapters written already, so you should get reviewing. -wink-**

**Con-crit me, okay? This is my first IZ fic and I want to know if it's good. What I should change and so on. I've already made a few changes that probably won't be popular...like the mention of Dib's being a clone and the stabilization. I've been thinking that no stories really go into that. After all, I'm pretty sure Dib's not a _perfect_ experiment. There's always bound to be a few things wrong with any experiment, which is why it's called that. I'm assuming that as Dib grows up he'd have to have these kinds of things done. So don't lynch me for that, please.**

**I believe that's it. The author's notes from now on should be fairly reasonable in length.**


	2. The Stuffed Piggy of Doom

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the reviews. :) I know it's difficult being a "new" author (even though I've been here for five or six years now and just deleted all my other stuff to start over fresh) and you guys are being epic with leaving me feedback. I've always answered my reviews in the actual story, so I won't break tradition, eh?**

**Invader Ang:**Why, thank you. :) I was watching the show and wondering why, if Dib was a clone, he didn't have any kind of scientific process he had to go through to keep his body stable. I doubt Membrane is so good of a scientist that he can clone people and keep them in that same, stable body for ninety or a hundred years, so...my imagination came up with the stabilization. Apparently it's quite popular also. -smile- Ahaha, well, I've only seen the episode twice and I had totally forgotten what he said at the end so I picked a word. XD You also have to remember I just got into it two weeks ago so I'm still watching all the episodes. -wink-

**MoonToy:** Thank you very much!

**my name is paper YAH:** Thank you!

**Xenatig:** I have the ZaDR Central community bookmarked but the last story there was updated in April, so I figured it would be best to write one and bring it back to life. XD I just have to send a note in to the dA club and they say they'll accept this fic into the community. :) Thank you for liking my strange stabilization concept!

**JaedtheEcho:** Thank you so much! I was so worried about getting them in-character, and it's good to know that they mostly are. I'm up to chapter five in the handwritten and Gaz is a little out of character, so I'm attempting to get her more into it but it's difficult. -rolls eyes- Thank you for reading and reviewing!

**And with all that done, thank you to everyone who read or reviewed and let's get on to the next installment. :)**

"GIR! Come along!"

The little robot frowned but continued to press his face against the glass of the toy store. "Animals," he said quietly, as if they were the only things that mattered in the world. His eyes tracked the stuffed animals until he found the one thing that could never fail to make him happy. "PIGGY!" he shrieked, eyes lighting up brighter and arms waving.

Zim clenched his fists by his sides, digging small dents into the palms of his hands. In one quick motion, he pivoted and stormed back to GIR, willing himself to keep his temper in check. Who knew which one of these pitiful humans happened to be an anomaly like Dib-stink and actually saw through his disguise? He watched the humans passing by on the sidewalk and sighed to himself in relief — no one seemed to have noticed that GIR, who was currently in his dog suit, had talked. Just like always. He'd picked the most conveniently stupid city to land in. Once he took over this one, he'd move on to the surrounding cities, and hopefully all of Earth turned out to be this easy. These sniveling worm babies were no match for the Irkens, and they'd all bow to him once he ruled their planet. Especially that _Dib._ He considered maybe sparing Dib's life and bringing him to the next plant he conquered. Dib was quite entertaining, and he made Zim's mission challenging enough that it was fun. Well, the Irken equivalent of fun, anyway, which was pretty much the enemy eluding capture long enough that it wasn't easy to win.

He bristled as a filthy human brushed past him. He'd accidentally gotten wrapped up in his own mind, as he often did, and tuned out the world around him. Straightening up, he made his way to GIR. "Come along, Earth puppy GIR, it's time to go to our human residence."

"THERE'S A PIGGY!" GIR shrieked, throwing himself to the ground and pounding his fists on the concrete. Although no one even seemed to notice, Zim held his breath, nervous.

"GIR, stop it this instant! Maybe Zim will take you to the human zoo tomorrow and you can see the actual pigs."

"I want THAT piggy!"

Zim looked in through the window at the tows of stuffed animals, vaguely aware that he probably looked stupid standing here. After all, he was a teenage boy, at least in appearance, and he was seemingly looking in a child's store from the look of the children smiling inside it. Still, he wasn't quite sure what these things were. Animals, of course, but small and immobile. "GIR, explain these life forms to me, please."

GIR continued to cry.

"GIR! INSTANTLY!"

"NO!"

"Fine. I will CONSIDER buying you that piggy IF you give me information on them!"

Zim could see GIR's eyes glowing red below his costume. "Yes, SIR! These life forms are owned by the human children, primarily to sleep with at night."

"Hm. I suppose that they might have some kind of LIFE FORCE hibernating INSIDE, unable to be detected by radar scans. Maybe they are like you, GIR. Maybe they just put on the appearance of being HELPLESS and WEAK."

"I wanted to be a mongoose," GIR stated sadly, eyes blue again.

"And they protect the human worm-babies during night, when they are INCAPABLE of movement — of COURSE! It makes PERFECT sense. They keep themselves GUARDED at night in case of ATTACK. Maybe they're not so incredibly STUPID after all." He tugged on GIR's leash. "Come, GIR, we must take a sample. And I will buy you the...whatever it was called."

"PIGGY!" GIR shouted excitedly.

"Yes, that. But only if you BEHAVE yourself."

* * *

Back at the house, Zim was analyzing the material on the stuffed pig he'd bought for GIR. GIR had just about had an aneurysm when Zim had taken it to retrieve the material, but the Irken gave it back right after and GIR was now happily making it fly around the room, accompanied by vrooming noises. Zim was doing his best to ignore it, eyes locked on the results screen instead.

"This piggy is made from REAL piggy fur!" GIR announced.

Zim rolled his eyes. "Pigs don't HAVE fur, GIR." The little robot really should have learned more about Earth, living here for five years, but GIR could be a bit...oblivious. Zim had learned not to expect much from him.

"The thing that this material was taken from meets the DNA code for an Earth monkey. And that doesn't mean human, since you're always calling them that," the computer said, sounding slightly annoyed.

"A pink monkey?" Zim asked blankly.

"Apparently so. Or, you know, they could have dyed the fur."

"So there really does have to be some kind of animal spirit in there," Zim thought out loud. "If ONLY I could HARNESS that energy...Zim would be UNSTOPPABLE! After all, Earth DOES seem to have the most FORMIDBALE of CREATURES..."

"Or there's _no_ animal spirit, and it's just made of stuffing and covered in monkey fur."

"SILENCE! Zim KNOWS what he is DOING!"

The computer didn't even bother to argue. This had gone on for five years — he'd make a suggestion and Zim would completely ignore it, convinced that he was correct. By now, it was actually quite entertaining to see the trouble Zim got into by not listening to him. This situation was just screaming to be laughed at.

"GIR, go upstairs and watch for intruders," Zim ordered.

"Can I bring my piggy?"

"Yes...and you can watch _Intestines of War_ if you'd like as well. This procedure will probably take a while."

He smiled wickedly to himself. He would harness the energy of these ancient animal spirits that warded off dark energy as their owners slept and use it to take over this pathetic, filthy planet.

He'd have them groveling at his feet by the end of the week.

* * *

Dib allowed Membrane to snap the cuffs around his wrists and ankles, although if it wasn't required to keep this body running, he would never do it. That was the main reason for the cuffs — stabilization really did hurt horribly. If any normal human was doing this, they would definitely try and bolt from the pain overload to their nerves, which was why Dib had to be handcuffed.

"I've adjusted the voltage a bit, son," Membrane announced as he stepped back to survey his work. The stabilization chamber was built into the wall of the living room and looked just like a test tube except that there was no fluid and the front semicircle of glass didn't exist.

"Oh, good...so it's not going to hurt as much?"

"No, it will hurt more."

Well, no surprise there. Dib bit down on his lower lip and let his head fall back against the cool metal behind him. He closed his eyes and wished he could float away and never come back down. The sky, space, wherever. He would like to see Earth from space sometime, when he wasn't busy fighting with plants. When he wasn't busy fighting with Zim at all, actually. He wanted to go to space just to look at it for once. To look down from space and see Earth hanging there: an enormous, gravity-defying ball.

The electricity started suddenly, catching Dib unaware. He gritted his teeth as the shocks ran up and down his arms and legs. When the first round of electric shocks finally passed, Dib managed to choke out, "Gaz, turn on _Mysterious Mysteries_!"

Gaz had a heart, despite what most people thought, and she kind of owed it to Dib, considering that he hadn't told their father about the Great Asking Out. She flipped on the TV show and Dib watched as the intro began to play and blood began to seep into the corners of his eyes. He swallowed painfully and the blood receded.

Tonight's episode was a special on aliens, which of course was Dib's favorite kind of episode. They'd gone three years without showing a new episode and now they were finally beginning to shuffle them out again. Dib fixed his eyes on the screen as the host started to introduce the episode.

_"Aliens...for so long we have awaited contact with these lifeforms beyond our solar system. But so far we have had no luck. That changes today on — Mysterious Mysteries!_"

"It's probably fake," Gaz said.

"Probably. But—AH!—you never know."

The screen changed to show a somewhat dark photograph, probably taken at night from the bushes or something. A part of the photograph was magnified and filled the screen, and Dib sucked in a sharp breath. Unfortunately, that altered his heart rate and electrocuted him even more. But his heart kept beating like crazy, and suddenly a siren wail began. Dib's vision started to fade; Gaz jumped up from her place on the couch and caught Dib as the cuffs released and he collapsed. "Dib, what the hell?"

Dib was struggling to breathe. Small shocks were attacking his body repeatedly, and he couldn't breathe in deep enough to get air into his lungs. The only sound he could make was a quiet, wheezy whimper for a few seconds.

"For Christ's sakes, Dib, it wasn't Zim!"

"No," rapsed Dib, blackness closing in, "it was GIR. And he wasn't in costume."

**Hence why _Mysterious Mysteries_ can't have happened yet, because of the whole "Dib stumbling across Zim and GIR and catching it on tape" thing. I still don't understand how people didn't see that the other three POVs were fake, but then again, this is a satirical, stupid version of Earth. XD**

**Like I said, Gaz is a little OOC. I'm terribly sorry for that. Also, I am fairly certain that Zim knows what stuffed animals are, but that's why this is non-canon. Or...mostly canon, I guess, with some non-canon. I don't know. Just enjoy the damn story and review if you want me to be happy. And you do want me to be happy.**

**-shifty eyes-**

**This is also the last update for probably a week and a half or so. Holidays, and then moving in with my dad who lives in New Jersey. Right now I live in Florida, so...yeah. Long story, but anyway, that'll take a short while and I'll be fairly busy. I'll update as soon as I can, though. Just promise to leave me reviews. :)**


	3. Taquitos and Mongeese

**A/N: Thank you guys so much, again, for all the reviews. I love coming in and seeing all these new reviews in my email. It makes my life. Review-answering time again!**

**Invader Ang – **I'm actually going to move out tomorrow and move in with my dad in New Jersey, so I won't be living here anymore. XD I don't like it, sadly. I'm not built for the hot climate, and I swear I'm the palest person in the entire state. When I didn't know what mudding was, my whole class laughed at me. ;-;

No, no, the stabilization is more of a shocky thingy, regulating Dib's currents and so on. I guess I just started writing and it took off by itself. I'm still not sure. XD Like I said, the MM episode doesn't exist in the story so GIR had never been caught on videotape, and so to Dib it was his chance to unmask Zim and GIR and so on and so forth. Basically his reaction when he took the actual video, except it didn't exist here. If that makes sense. XD

**Forestglade1 – **Thank you so much! Yes, Dib is actually a clone. Jhonen has said in interviews that if the series had gone on, it would have been revealed that Dib and Gaz are actually clones of Membrane (although we're not sure if Gaz is a clone of Membrane's wife or of himself) so yes, that is something that's been certified.

**1337kitsune – **Oh, thank you. -smile- This is my first Zim fanfic but I was thinking about all these things I looked up online (since I had to have all my facts to make this as canon as possible while still straying a bit) and one thing that stuck with me was Dib's clone life. It's not touched upon in the series at all, and it utterly fascinates me. I've only read a fic or two where it's actually acknowledged that he's a clone. I really love that one where Zim is trying to bring Dib to Irk but Dib dies on the way there...I think it's by Emo Fox. -smile- I love her work. I'm actually working on making Gaz more IC but I'm glad you like her OOC-ness. XD It's hard to write someone as a bitch all the time, you know? I'm the kind of person that loves everyone so it's hard for me to write someone with a horrible, horrible outlook on life. XD

**CocoaMcDirty – **Yeah, Dib is treated pretty badly. ;-; Oh well, he'll be alright as the story progresses. There will be some hardships but in the end he'll get what he deserves. -smile- Thanks for pointing out the typos – my word program doesn't catch them since they're actual words, and I type 77 wpm or so, so I miss words sometimes. XD I think I have ninety-five percent accuracy, maybe more, but I do miss them from time to time. I'll go back and fix them when I can. -smile-

**Wow, the review-replying probably takes up five hundred of my final word count. XD Let's get on to the story, shall we?**

"Is Big Head gonna be okaaaaay?"

"Shut up. Your voice annoys me."

"Yeah...that's what Master says, too."

"Well, he's right."

Dib's head swam uncomfortably as he listened to the banter between his sister and a high, metallic voice...GIR? It certainly sounded like him. GIR's voice wasn't exactly common.

"GIR...?" Dib said wearily. His mouth felt like a cotton ball was shoved in it.

"You _would_ say the alien robot's name first," Gaz snapped. Dib still couldn't open his eyes but he knew Gaz was glaring at him with the creepy Gaz-eyes she was so good at. "So you're awake, right, big-head?"

"THAT'S WHAT I CALL HIM!" GIR shrieked.

"GIR, shut the fuck up. Do you want our dad coming in here?"

_That's exactly what I want!_ Dib thought to himself. _It's what I've been trying to get to happen for years now!_

GIR's cold metal hand rested on Dib's forehead. Dib was too exhausted to move it, and it felt good on his hot forehead, like a cool washcloth. He painfully opened his eyes and was met with the glow of GIR's light blue eyes. It was strangely calming on his aching eyes. "Thanks, GIR," he whispered.

"Do you want to be a mongoose, too?"

"No, GIR. I like being a human being."

"But you're not," GIR said in a moment of insight. "You're kind of one, but you're not one. I saw the magic shocky thingy!"

Oh, _fuck._ If Zim knew that Dib was a clone, there was no doubt he'd be experimented on. He would be a perfect specimen for Zim to dissect. Human, but not human. A thing with all of the body parts and the organs and traits of a human, but not really an actual human. Now that GIR knew, he'd probably let it slip. Even if Dib asked him to keep it a secret, there was no telling if GIR would actually keep it a secret.

He pressed his mouth into a thin line and stared up at the ceiling, breathing out through his nose. He was fucked. He was so fucked. Sure, he could hope for the best, hope for GIR not to say anything, hope for that chance. But it was a fifty-fifty and there was always the chance that he'd tell no matter what.

"It's okay," said Gaz. "We'll find a way to get him serious and then lock down what he saw so that no one can access the information."

Dib was slightly startled that Gaz would be so _human_ toward him, but it was understandable. This was his life on the line. And no matter how creepy or uncaring Gaz was, she was not going to let her brother die. At least not unless it was her doing the killing. When Gaz asked if he was alright, Dib nodded yes.

"I wanted to be a mongoose," GIR whispered.

"Yeah," said Dib, "we know. But you're not. You're a SIR unit, not a mongoose."

"I'm guessing the Irkens aren't too smart," said Gaz. "I mean, invaders that can't take over the planet even after five years. Robots that are supposed to be super-powerful but instead decide that they're going to be random and stupid and talk about being mongooses."

Dib shook his head. "No, they're smart. That's one thing that Zim is right about. The Irkens are...incredibly superior. You have no idea, Gaz. Their spacecraft, their weapons...I've seen them. If Zim's leaders were more focused on Earth instead of the other planets, we'd have no chance. I don't know what we're going to do, Gaz. If they attack..."

"Dad will kill them all," Gaz assured them.

There was no way that Dib would admit it to anyone, but he disagreed completely with Gaz. He had seen the Irken ships. He had seen how enormous the fleet and the Massive were. Maybe Zim was a terrible invader, but he sure as hell didn't represent the rest of his race.

He nodded anyway and said, "Yeah, Dad will kill them all."

_Except Zim_, he added silently. _Zim is mine to deal with._

_

* * *

_GIR didn't leave even after Dib went to sleep again. When Dib woke up the second time, the robot was curled up underneath the covers next to him, apparently asleep despite the fact that Dib was under the impression that robots didn't sleep. GIR must have sensed that Dib was awake – he stretched his metallic arms and then sat up, an enormous smile lighting up his face. "Good morning!"

It _was_ morning. Sunlight was streaming in through the window and the rectangle of sunlight that was shining on his knees was warming them up. He didn't notice until he moved them. "GIR, what are you still doing here? Where's Zim?"

"Master? He's at home! Down in the lab. He's making taquitos!"

Somehow, Dib doubted that Zim was actually making taquitos, but he wasn't going to question it if Zim's robot was here. After all, GIR could be pretty powerful when he was in serious mode. If he could figure out a way to reprogram him...

"BREAKFAST!" GIR announced, and got up to go downstairs.

"Wait! GIR!"

The robot stopped halfway across the room, turning his cyan eyes on Dib.

"You have to remember your costume!"

Normally, Dib would be all for GIR going out in public without his costume, but he doubted that his father was planning on coming out of the basement for the next week, and if he went outside with GIR, any number of things could happen. GIR could go into serious mode and find out that Dib was bringing him around in front of people, and then Dib would probably end up without a head. Or Zim could come out from the lab, find out that Dib had GIR, and then proceed to blast Dib into oblivion. Or, of course, there was always the possibility that, just like always, no one would even notice the presence of an extraterrestrial super-robot. It was a good bet.

"Oh yeah," GIR said to himself, and got dressed in the costume.

Gaz was waiting for the two when they came into the dining room. Three plates were on the table each with pancakes and eggs. Two of them were paired with orange juice and the third with Coke. Dib sat down at the one with the Coke, knowing that it was for him since he was allergic to orange juice and Gaz had "outgrown" soda.

"Wow, Gaz," he wondered out loud, "what's the occasion?"

"Shut up and don't ask questions," Gaz snapped.

Dib figured it was probably in his best interest to listen and not say anything, so he focused on just eating his breakfast. GIR dumped all of his breakfast into his mouth and then began munching on the plate. Dib decided his father didn't need to know about the disappearance of one of their best plates and if Membrance noticed and asked, Dib would make something up off the top of his head.

When they were finished, Dib extended his hand to GIR. "Come on, time to get you back to Zim."

"You're not going to keep him here?" Gaz asked.

"He ate a plate, Gaz. He's kind of a lost cause. Besides, he drives Zim up a wall. I'd rather have him be torture to Zim than to have him sit around here eating our plates. Besides, there's always the chance he won't listen to me even if I reprogram him."

"Can we look for mushrooms on the way home?" GIR asked.

Dib gave an "I told you so" glance to Gaz, who shrugged and continued playing her Game Slave. GIR and Dib began their trek to Zim's house on the other side of town, GIR singing a song that consisted only of the word "doom". No one they passed seemed to think that it was strange for a supposed "dog" to be singing, as usual. Dib was beginning to think that it would be pointless to expect a reaction from these people even if he unveiled Zim in front of the entire city.

They arrived at Zim's house as the sun was lifting high into the sky. Dib watched cautiously as the gnomes in the front yard turned to survey them, but they must have been programmed not to shoot at GIR. Dib breathed a sigh of relief and knocked on the door, half-expecting some kind of laser cannon to come out of the wall and blast him to bits.

But nothing happened – the door didn't even open.

"GIR, I thought that Zim was home."

"Yeeeaaah," GIR replied, "he's here, I think..."

"You think? You don't know? GIR, come on. Is he home or not?"

GIR shrugged. "I dunno."

Frustrated, Dib opened the door anyway and walked inside. He'd seen and been in Zim's house enough, but it still creeped him out a little. It might have looked like a human house inside, but it gave Dib the creeps, especially since he knew for sure that it was an alien's house. And, of course, the gnomes. Those were just scary no matter if Zim was an alien or not.

GIR sat down in front of the TV and began watching some show about monkeys. Dib, meanwhile, searched around for an entrance to the lab that wouldn't kill him.

He finally found one as he was searching through the refrigerator. He'd lifted up a can of Irken soda to inspect it more closely, but it turned out that the motion opened up a secret door in the floor next to it. Dib shrugged to himself and went down the stairs, arriving at the base a few minutes later. The empty base. What the hell was going on?

"Zim?" he called. "Zim, I need to talk to you!"

There was no answer. Dib proceeded carefully farther into the lab, but there was still no sign of Zim. Where could the alien be? He wasn't usually in any of the surrounding rooms when GIR wasn't around, but he was nowhere to be found in the lab. Dib was beginning to get just a little frustrated. Zim was always around when it was least convenient, and now that he was needed, he had disappeared.

"Alright, Zim. I just came to tell you that your stupid robot came over to my house and I'm dropping him back off. I'll show myself out."

He turned to leave when he noticed something in the corner of his vision, a startling green the exact same color as Zim. Dib made his way over to inspect it, hoping that it wasn't some kind of deadly weapon. Knowing Zim, it was incredibly probable. As he got closer, though, he wasn't sure what to think. This thing...it looked a _lot_ like a stuffed animal, about a foot tall. And it looked exactly like—but it couldn't be—

"Zim?"

**I might not be able to update for about two or three weeks. It depends. I'm moving and it's a long story, so I'll update as soon as I can, but I wanted to post this chapter for you guys, to tide you over. -smile- I'm up to chapter ten on the handwritten, so don't worry, I have tons of material. Love you guys so much!**


	4. GIR and Dib Become Best Friends Forever

**A/N: So it didn't take three weeks. Lucky readers. It's only been, what, three days? Four days? And I'm updating again. I got access to a computer sooner than I expected, so I figured I'd stop you from sucking your thumbs in the corner and let you feast on this next chap―**

**What the hell, Savannah. You're not Jhonen. Shut the fuck up.**

**1337kistune – **Yes, for the most part it's planned out. Although I'm on chapter 12 now and the stuffed animal bit hasn't nearly impacted it as much as I thought it would. There's only a few chapters about it. I'm wondering whether to change the title and summary. Gaz...well, in the last few chapters I've been handwriting she's been deliciously in-character. The twist coming up in chapter 12 is pretty Jhonen-like, which I'm proud of. Thanks for being interested in the clone bit. :)

**Xenatig – **Yeah, GIR is pretty adorable. :) My move went very well, and I'm back to writing now. :)

**Rii hime – **I'm not even sure how it will end, to be honest. XD I just write, and wherever it ends up is where it ends up. It just comes out of my hands. XD But thank you. :)

**Forestglade1 - **-hides- I dislike gnomes very greatly. But I just watched the episode with the time machine..."Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy", I believe it's called, and I had to LOL at the way Dib was carried away at the end. XD

**Darkdagers – **It wasn't hard, mostly because I don't have a lot of stuff. XD But thank you!

**WelcomeToTheMarchOfYaoi – **Stabilization? It's basically a process Dib has to go through to keep his body stable so it doesn't fall apart. It's obviously not canon, but I think it's a Jhonen-esque invention. ;) Well, I'm the one who thought of it, but...oh, you know. Anyway, he gets spread-eagled in a test tube kind of thing without the fluid and without the front wall, and he's electrocuted. It keeps the nerves and so on in his body working so that he can live forever. -shrug- I just came up with it one day, haha.

**MoonToy – **Haha, I just updated, so no biggie. :)

**Invader Ang – **Me too. :o I would die. But an irken!Zim, not a human!Zim. :) It's a good thing you didn't have to wait three weeks. XD

**my name is paper YAH – **Well...here's some more. :o

**Alright, that's it. Thanks so much for all the reviews. I'm so psyched. :) I have another story planned with Dib and a sort-of-twin-brother named Del (short for Delaware...yeah, I know, weird name) and it's a kind of love triangle between Dib/Delaware, Delaware/Zim, and Zim/Dib. Would you guys like that? Of course Delaware would be like the cooler version of Dib, and popular, and so on. We'll see. :)**

"GIR! Get down here!"

GIR's metallic footsteps clanked down the stairs. He arrived at Dib's side moments later and grinned up at him. "Yeah, what's up? Do you got nachos?"

"GIR, come on! Focus! What the hell is _that_?" Dib jabbed his finger at the stuffed Zim sitting on the floor, eyes wide and crimson and antennae pressed down like he'd realized what was happening a few seconds before it happened.

"Ohhh...yeeeeeaaaaah, that's Master." GIR went and sat down next to him, pleased that he was now taller. "I forgot to tell you."

"He's...he's a...a stuffed..."

"He got it off my piggy! I won a piggy!"

Dib knelt in front of Zim, reaching out carefully and pressing his hand gently to the top of Zim's head. His fingers met the same material he knew was used for most stuffed animals ― Zim wasn't overly furry but instead had extremely short fur, like a carpet. He looked exactly like a stuffed animal of Zim would look.

"Isn't he CUTE?"

GIR grabbed Zim and hugged him tight. Dib could have been imagining it, but he could swear that frustration flickered in Zim's eyes. Was Zim still thinking and conscious in that body? And could he communicate somehow with the outside world?

Gradually, as they sat there, Dib started to laugh. At first it was just a few snickers here and there, but soon it was full-out laughter. Dib grabbed his sides as he collapsed into hysterics on the floor in front of GIR and the stuffed Zim, his laughter echoing off of the walls and ceiling of the lab. Dib couldn't help himself ― the idea of a completely immobile, helpless Zim was just too funny. Hostile, violent Zim reducted to a defenseless childrens' toy.

"Oh, Zim," he choked out, "you've really done it now."

Zim, annoyed, halfway closed his eyes, thankful that he at least had control of them. The reaction of the human was really quite predictable. Of _course_ Dib would be the one to find him. It couldn't be someone HELPFUL. He was furious that he couldn't do a thing about Dib if the human decided to inspect the lab. He'd just have to put his trust in GIR, and who knew how THAT would turn out?

"So why did he do this to himself?" Dib finally asked once he'd stopped laughing. "Just for fun or what?"

"Uhhh...sure," GIR chirped.

"That's not it, is it?"

"Noooo. He sawed my piggy."

"Oh." Dib thought back to what GIR had said. He'd gotten the piggy the other night. Zim must not have understoof what stuffed animals were. Maybe he'd thought that they were dangerous and injected himself with the DNA. Yeah, that had to be it. Leave it to Zim to do something like that. "How long do you think it's going to last?"

He should have known not to ask GIR. The robot looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then said, "I don't know...eight?"

Sighing, Dib held out his hands and said, "Here, give me Zim."

GIR handed Zim to Dib, who held the alien at arms' length, amused. Zim was glaring at him angrily, eyebrows knitted together. Dib wished he had a camera to capture the moment.

"Aren't you adorable?" Dib teased.

The hate in Zim's eyes was so powerful that Dib could almost feel his forehead burning with the glare. He snickered again at Zim's utter helplessness to do a thing to him. "You can't argue with that, Zim. You're a stuffed animal. Everyone in the world would think you're cute if I showed you to them. Seriously, Zim, I know a ton of kids who would love to have you to cuddle at night."

"He mad at youuuu," GIR observed, poking Zim in the side.

Dib knew Zim so well by now that he could tell exactly what the alien would say if he could speak. _GIR, get your FILTHY, PROBING CLAWS off of me!_ Dib smiled to himself. He could have some fun with this.

"GIR, we should bring Zim somewhere safe, right?"

"Safe? Yep!"

"So he should probably come to my house where I can take care of him."

GIR cheered and ran around in circles.

Zim's eyes became impossibly wide, taking up almost all of his face. It was obvious that he was displeased with the prospect of having to stay at Dib's, and Dib had no doubt that if Zim was able to talk or even move, he'd be clawing Dib's eyes out.

"Yeah, well...you shouldn't have experimented on yourself, Zim. That was just stupid, you know that?"

_Yes, stinking worm baby,_ Zim would say, _but it's no business of yours what I do to myself._

The words bounced around in Dib's head until he realized the dual nature of them. Instantly, his cheeks turned light pink and he tried to force the thought out of his head as quickly as possible. Besides, he doubted Zim even had a...well, a...

_Don't think about it,_ he warned himself. _Don't you dare wonder if Zim has a penis or not._

But trying not to think about it just made him think even more about it. Dib found himself tomato-faced with Zim staring, probably confused as to what the hell was going on.

"Your big head's gettin' red," GIR said, pointing.

Dib rolled his eyes. "Quit making fun of my head," he snapped, standing up with Zim in his arms. "Now come on, I'm sure that you're not allowed here by yourself."

_At least you're not COMPLETELY worthless, human,_ Zim sneered inside his head.

Under normal circumstances, bringing one's enemy and one's enemy's alien robot into one's house would be seen as attempted suicide. However, Dib had the beginnings of a plan hatching in his mind. GIR wasn't much of a threat anyway, so he was no worry. Zim, however, would eventually have to transform back into his alien form, and when he did, Dib would be ready. He'd drag his dad back up to the main level of the house, and finally Membrane would see that Dib wasn't crazy. He'd understand that paranormal science was something to be taken seriously, and then maybe he'd help Dib with the necromancy project―

No. He wouldn't. Membrane was the kind of person that believed dead people should stay dead. And if aliens existed, Membrane would probably tell Dib that it didn't prove necromancy could work.

Besides, Membrane seemed perfectly happy to forget about his wife.

"You look sad," said GIR, tugging at Dib's wrist. "What's wrong, big head?"

"It's nothing."

The rest of the walk was spent in silence, punctuated with GIR screaming at fire hydrants and getting even crazier when they didn't respond. Dib was forced to drag GIR halfway across town much to Zim's silent amusement. When they finally reached Dib's house, the human couldn't be more relieved. GIR seemed to calm down once he saw that they were somewhere familiar.

Surprisingly, the door was locked. When Dib knocked, Gaz appeared at it, extremely frustrated. "You brought him back? What's your problem?"

Dib showed Zim to Gaz.

Predictably, she snickered before asking, "What the hell, Dib."

"Zim screwed up."

"Oh, like he doesn't do THAT on a daily basis," Gaz said, and turned around to go inside. Dib followed behind her, Zim in one arm and holding GIR's hand with the other. When they arrived in Dib's room, he set Zim down on the bed and began to root through one of his drawers for something. GIR sat on the bed next to Zim, kicking his legs absently and humming to himself.

Dib turned around brandishing a pair of scissors, the sharpest he had. A sadistic, satisfied smile curved across his face. "It's about time," he whispered, "that I got to do this myself."

A flicker of concern flashed in Zim's eyes as Dib advanced toward him, the murderous intent clear in his face. He really was planning to kill Zim right here and now. Zim hated to admit it to himself, but he was pretty afraid that Dib wasn't going to back down. No matter how much he tried to move even one inch, he couldn't. All he could do was to move his eyes, and even that required immense amounts of concentration. Someone who hadn't been in training like Zim had probably wouldn't even be able to move the eyes.

He was screaming thoughts inside his head, willing them to reach his mouth. _Back away, worm! Before you incur the wrath of ZIM! And you don't want THAT to happen, DO YOU? GIR, are you COMPLETELY unfunctional? You're just going to stand by and WATCH THIS? This is MADNESS! Why did I even ATTEMPT this experiment? As if I didn't have ENOUGH to deal with!_

"Whatcha doin'?" GIR asked, still swinging his legs.

Dib readjusted his grip on the scissors and knelt in front of Zim, staring right into his eyes. "After all these years," he murmured, caught up in the moment, "I finally have you. You're right here. Right in front of me. And you're helpless...you can't stop me. I'll make this nice and slow, hm? Would you like that, Zim? Oh, right...you can't speak."

He lifted one of Zim's antennae and positioned the scissors.

Zim screwed his eyes shut, anticipating the blinding pain.

"**DESIST!"**

Dib had just enough time to wonder who had said that before he found himself pinned against the opposite wall, claws stabbing into his chest. GIR was standing there, eyes angry and red, looking _very_ business-like. His voice had gotten lower, a completely different pitch from what Dib was used to. The other hand stretched up and motioned for the scissors.

Terrified, Dib dropped them. GIR flung them across the room, where they stuck in the wall.

"**Security defensive mode has been activated. You think you're so intelligent, don't you, human? Taking advantage of Master like that! Assuming I'm too stupid to do anything about it."**

"I'm...sorry!" Dib choked out, not sorry at all.

"**You pick on other peoples' weaknesses? Fine. I'll do the same to you."**

GIR tightened his claws on Dib's chest, and they sparked with purple lightning. The current spiraled around them and then into Dib's body, manifesting itself in his core. It felt as if he was being ripped apart from the center by white-hot claws and acid was being poured inside of him. He arched his back off the wall and screamed in pain ― there were a few awful seconds where his body seemed to separate completely into two parts: physical and metaphysical. He had just been able to remember the words to ask GIR to stop when he was released and crashed painfully to the ground.

"**Now****―****"** GIR's face hovered over Dib's. **"****―****are you going to protect my Master?"**

"I―I..."

"**_ARE YOU GOING TO PROTECT MY MASTER?"_**

"YES!" Dib screamed. "YES!"

GIR's eyes shone blue as he returned to normal mode. "Why you SLEEPIN', big head?"

Dib could still feel the electricity arcing through his body. He couldn't stop himself from twitching horribly every few seconds, ultimately ending up almost spread-eagled with his arms and legs at unusual angles. He shuddered once before his eyes rolled up into his head and, a second later, passed out.

**HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THAT WAS LONG. (That's what she said.) My hands want to cramp up, but I know I'll be handwriting more of the story tonight because I love it that much. Oh, and if you want to friend me on Facebook, go ahead. My username right now is Smitty Warbenjeggermanjensen because I'm LOL-ful like that, and I'm the one with the display picture of a brunette with dark eyeliner and red streaks down her face. I took my own picture. Go me. I have photoshoots playing in my head all the time but only rarely can I carry them out.**

**Oh yeah, and if you catch the "Suite Life on Deck" cameo in here, you win. I hate the show, but my siblings don't, and the joke that was put in this chapter is one of the only funny ones. XD**

**...I always forget something. -sigh-**


	5. Dib Gets An Even Bigger Head

**A/N: Look at me, being all nice and updating again. That's what happens when there's an overwhelming response of reviews from my lovely readers. God, I'm just as egotistical as Zim. Well...maybe not...no, yes, I am.**

**Chrissyxo91 – **Yeah, no kidding. I've been watching the show and when he's in serious mode, he can really beat the crackers out of people. Mostly his serious mode in this story is taken from "GIR Goes Crazy 'N Stuff" so it's a bit exaggerated from what it usually is, and Zim's life was threatened, so he's more susceptible to that kind of thing.

**invAder kit – **You bet. Hidden underneath that stupidity is...more stupidity. And underneath that is more stupidity. And underneath THAT is badass GIR.

**Darkdagers – **I'm glad you find GIR scary. :) And yes, Dib has to protect Zim. Oh, the irony.

**MoonToy – **Don't be quiet. -frown- Loud reviews with lots of words are good.

**1337kitsune – **Haha, yeah, he does. At least in this universe. Thanks for being awed. :) I just saw "The Nightmare Begins" for the first time tonight and I was laughing my ass off at the Tallests when they gave GIR to Zim. "It's a special, advanced model." What bastards. Yes, the necromancy is definitely sad. People don't tend to touch on Dib's mom much unless they make him super-emo and always thinking about her, so I decided to put her in. Maybe she'll be in the Delaware fic. The cameo was where GIR says "I don't know...eight?" It's from the _Suite Life on Deck_ episode where the kids think a passenger is missing, and they interview the security guard Kirby, and Cody says, "So you're not doing anything to find the missing passenger? How many more people have to disappear before you'll take action?" and Kirby goes, "I don't know...eight?" I thought that was hilarious. Thank you, Gaz acts much more IC around the current handwritten chapters when Dib and Zim come back to the house (they leave around chapter 9 or so) and she shoots fireballs at him and calls him a traitor. But that's all I'm revealing. -wink-

**Invader Ang – **Ahahaha, that's epic. I love that movie. I never knew Dory was played by Ellen DeGeneres. :o I think if GIR saw Zim seriously about to die or at least be in horrible, blinding pain, he'd snap. I can't say for sure, but he might. And I have to disagree with you on the "Dib not trying to kill Zim" bit, unfortunately. XD I was watching the first episode tonight and he was making all these comments about how he'd love to see Zim's guts strewn all over the autopsy table. He makes quite a few remarks like that; he's a very violent little boy. XD I think if the series had gone on for years of the characters' lives, he would eventually get to the point where he'd do it if he had the chance. But later on, he saves Zim a few times, although he does try to kill him again in chapter 13, haha. Anyway, I respect your opinion, so I shall say no more. :3

**XDXDXDXD **–I like the last one. XD The first one is from _Phineas and Ferb_, I believe. Well, the star-nosed mole, anyway. And the second one could be used if I ever made him tell a bedtime story. GIR and bedtime stories...now THAT would be interesting. XD Yes, Dib is a clone. :) I looked up a lot of "what would have been revealed" kind of stuff online before getting into the fandom, and I think I'm pretty well-informed so I'll always tell you guys if something is totally made up by me. :)

**Now before we start this chapter, I want to let you guys know something. I had written this chapter before I'd ever seen "Dibship Rising", and I saw it a few days afterwards. Now read this and you'll understand how freaky my mind is for...well, you'll see.**

"I hate you."

Dib hissed the words across the couch at Zim, who was sitting on the opposite side of the couch, not looking at Dib. His antennae quivered once in a while in frustration, or at least something like it. He was staring intently at the TV, determined to ignore that filth of a human. GIR had this all under control. He'd wait it out, at least until the experiment wore off and he was back in his beautiful Irken body again.

"I hate you, Zim! You know that?"

_Of course I do, worm-baby,_ Zim thought.

Dib's body flickered as if it was a weak hologram or a bad TV connection. Zim would have raised an eyebrow if he'd been able, but he was too busy wondering what the hell was going on with Dib. He knew that normal humans didn't fade out like that.

Dib groaned painfully as his body slid back together like it was supposed to. "I really hate you," he repeated, voice dangerously low.

_What's going on?_ Zim wanted to ask.

Both were silent, watching TV for almost an hour. Dib would flicker out of sight and then back again about every five minutes, and Zim would attempt to understand what exactly was wrong. GIR was wandering room to room exploring the house in his green dog suit. It was extremely weird to have his mortal enemy and assistant android in his house, but at the same time, it wasn't. Maybe because Dib had stalked Zim for so long, he'd lost count of the number of days. He knew Zim so well that it wasn't too strange to have him here at his house as well.

"Hello, son."

The unexpected voice made Dib jump involuntarily. A purple spark of lightning jumped from his body into the air, which was incredibly unnerving. Dib had hoped that all of the electricity had disappeared from his body. "Yeah?" Dib asked, cursing himself as he did. Wasn't he supposed to be ignoring his father when Membrane called him _son_?

"I heard about what happened with stabilization yesterday."

Dib desperately wanted to cover Zim's ears, but he didn't even have any. He assumed that Zim probably heard through his antennae, but if he grabbed those, GIR would most likely flip out like he had last time, and Dib was _not_ going to go through that again.

"So I've designed a little something to keep your heart beating at the same rate constantly." Membrane held up something that looked like a small pod, gray in color. "The only drawback is that it will completely replace your heartbeat. If I do the surgery, you'll have to keep this on all the time. But it will keep you from being electrocuted."

Dib was staring at the pod, eyes wide, astonished. His father had just described a PAK.

He would have a PAK, just like Zim, except that he'd probably die immediately after it was taken off.

He would be like Zim.

The thought nauseated him, but he'd do anything to stay away from the horrible electrocution he'd experienced. He wasn't stupid. He knew that picking electrocution over the PAK was incredibly foolish. Still, he wished there was another way. "Okay," he conceded, "I'll use the PAK."

"The what?" Membrane asked, confused.

"Never mind. When is it going on?"

Membrane was temporarily distracted by GIR, still in the dog costume, walking around him in circles and making a weird noise somewhere between a scream and a purr. "What is this?"

"Uh...stray dog," said Dib in a moment of panic. "He needs to be taken care of for a few days before we set him free again." After all, Zim couldn't be like that for more than a few days, right? It should wear off by then...right?

"Oh. Alright, then. I've scheduled the surgery for..." Membrane pulled out a PDA and searched through it. "...this coming Friday. You'll have time to recover over the weekend. It's most likely going to hurt. Quite a lot." There was an uncomfortable, awkward silence, and then Membrane said, "Well, see you Friday, son."

"Not your son," Dib said under his breath.

GIR hopped up into Dib's lap, somehow wagging the tail on his costume. He snuggled into Dib's chest comfortably and promptly fell asleep, although Dib wasn't quite sure exactly how robots went to sleep. Maybe it was just a sleep mode...? If Membrane had found out about GIR, he'd probably have a field day dissecting him and figuring out how he worked. Dib wasn't really that interested — he'd take Zim over GIR any day.

He reached over and gathered Zim into his arms so that he and GIR were close together. He wouldn't let Zim out of his sight. He finally had him where he wanted him, right here in his house, and he wasn't going to let Membrane or Keef or Gaz or anyone else take him.

He was sure that Zim was detesting the display of supposed affection, which gave Dib sadistic satisfaction.

"Probably shouldn't have experimented on yourself, huh, Zim?"

_I will rip out your tongue,_ Zim screamed inside his mind, _and use it as my JUMP ROPE. You will NOT survive THIS time, Dib-stink!_

"I can tell you're insulting me in your mind," said Dib. "Your eyes have that weird look to them that you get when you're cursing me out. But you can't talk, can you? That's your own fault, Zim." Dib sing-songed the last part, having way too much fun with this.

_You'll regret this, human,_ Zim said inside his head, but a wave of exhaustion hit him and he found himself disappearing into unconsciousness.

* * *

Dib was not happy.

He'd decided to take Tak's ship to Skool as a part of a series of tests. It didn't have too much energy, so he only took it out every few weeks. Still, once every few weeks was better than not at all. The test was to see if any of the students notice that Dib was showing up in a spaceship, which they never seemed to do despite the fact that he drove past them and landed in a very spaceship-like manner in the front yard.

He figured that hopefully someday someone would realize that he was driving a spaceship to Skool, but until then, he just enjoyed the drive there. He'd extracted Tak's personality interface, which he'd downloaded onto his spare laptop, and managed to find out how to download his own into it — mostly from reading the instruction manual he'd found in the glove compartment, along with a few questions to Membrane, asking about it as a "hypothetical situation". He was surprised how well it worked, though; the ship spoke in his voice after only listening to him say a few words. It knew his most visited locations, his favorite meals, and could identify if someone was Dib's friend or enemy a few seconds after they got into the ship. Irken technology amazed Dib. He knew that his dad would have an aneurysm out of happiness that Dib was interested in technology (assuming Dib ever told him), but the fact that it was tied to aliens would discredit him.

Gaz climbed into the ship, crossing her arms and closing here eyes. The door closed behind her and an orange juice popped up in the cupholder. She grabbed it and opened it noisily. "That's one of the only things I like about this stupid ship," she said.

"Gaz, sometimes I just don't understand you. This is an amazing, completely functional, technologically-advanced space cruiser. It might as well be reading my mind. And you think it's stupid?"

Gaz watched through slit eyes as Dib pressed his palm against the scanner, identifying himself. The ship hummed as it came to life, rising until it was a few inches off the ground. Dib had told her that he was working on making it able to fly again so that he could go into space, but for now it could only fly eight or ten inches above the ground. "I just don't see what's so great about it. At least not until it goes out of the solar system. Besides, it's Irken and...well, the Irkens suck."

"What about the Tallest?"

"They suck, too. Just less than all the others. I mean, they're tall. Big deal. You're almost as tall as they are. If you grow another few inches, you'll be taller than them. What kind of stupid hierarchy is based on height? Everyone knows _you_ can't be a leader."

"Gaz, they have an incredible military. Zim is always screaming to me about how his people destroy some planets and use them as _parking lots._"

Gaz shrugged. "I'm not impressed."

Dib gave up and maneuvered the ship out of the garage. Like always, Membrane was too busy down in the lab to notice the alien spaceship floating out of the garage and Dib was kind of glad that he was. If his dad found out about the ship, he'd definitely take it away and once Dib explained the "it belongs to aliens" bit, Membrane would just laugh at him and keep him away, and Dib would be out one super-awesome space cruiser, which would suck...a lot.

"It's nice that it floats, though," Gaz admitted. "No bumps."

After a few seconds, she reached over and started rooting through Dib's pack. She lifted out Zim, who looked left and right to see where he was before staring daggers at Gaz. He knew by now that it was impossible to intimidate Gaz, but he wasn't going to sit around innocently like a child's toy. He was Zim — powerful Irken invader! And he had never felt more at home. An Irken inside an Irken spaceship. Granted, it was that HORRENDOUS Tak's, but still.

"Where would you like to go, exceptional paranormal investigator Dib?" the ship asked.

Gaz rolled her eyes.

"Space," Dib said dreamily. "That's where I _want_ to go."

There were a few seconds of awkward silence before Dib said, "Take us to school, please, you attractive, interesting personality interface, you."

"Oh, you're too much, Dib. Save some of those compliments for yourself. You deserve them, after all."

Gaz and Zim shared the same "oh, god" look.

The ride to Skool was short — too short, in Dib's opinion. He would love to make Tak's ship able to fly, even just ten feet. To be free in the air...how amazing would that be? Dib had always wished he could fly, and piloting a space cruiser through the sky was pretty damn close. The ease that it would move with would make it even better than flying a helicopter.

The spaceship landed gently on the ground and made a pressurized-air hissing sound as the top dome popped up. Like all the other times, the students going into Skool didn't even seem to notice the ship.

"Hello?" Dib called. "Does NO ONE see the enormous SPACE CRUISER?"

"Your car's not THAT fancy, Dib," someone responded.

Dib rolled his eyes. "You people are so BLIND."

"Were you expecting anything else?" Gaz asked, putting Zim back into Dib's pack and giving it to him.

"No, but...oh, it doesn't matter." Dib shook it off and walked through the doors, wishing to God that something would change. Like in the simulation Zim had trapped him in, where the Meekrob had given him extraordinary powers and he had finally won, proving the existence of aliens, ghosts, lake monsters, and more, and then gone off and singlehandedly brought down the Massive. He'd give anything to actually have that power. When in the simulation, he'd felt like he was a god. The power had coursed beneath his skin like an icy river, and he'd loved knowing he could do anything he wanted.

But it was all an illusion. The reality was that Dib was an unpopular, unwanted kid that no one believed about anything. He was delusional to the other kids and to his own "father", and no matter how hard he tried, it never changed.

Life as usual.

**Poor sad Dib.**

**Anyway, did you see? Yeah, the Dib personality interface. NEVER SAW "DIBSHIP RISING" WHEN I WROTE THAT, K? That happens sometimes. Me guessing stuff before it happens. Like once I wrote a oneshot about Sam and Freddie from _iCarly_ where Sam almost got hit by a meat truck, and then they kissed at the end with the whole "promise we'll never do that again" thing. And a few weeks later, the episode where Freddie almost gets hit with the taco truck happens, and then the one where Sam and Freddie kiss on the landing.**

**I AM A PSYCHIC, K.**

**...please leave reviews.**

**XD Oh, and no one has any thoughts about the Dib/Delaware/Zim fic? :o**


	6. The Spiraling Vortex of Pain and Misery

**A/N: Did I mention how much I love you guys for all these reviews? No? Well, then...I love you so much that if Zim tried to use you in a time-space-replacement-device, I'd break down like GIR and ask, "Why, reviewers? I LOVEDED YOU, REVIEWERS, I LOVEDED YOU!"**

**...-ahem-. Alright then.**

**Xenatig – **Yes, as long as he doesn't screw anything up, like get his arms cut off or something, then he'll live forever. His heart rate is constantly monitored and since he's a clone, his body doesn't age like normal human bodies do. :) Yeah, I was cracking up writing the ship part. I can totally see Dib doing something like that with his ship...and then the episode played and he legit praised the ship like that and I was all, "GET OUT OF MY HEAD."

**MoonToy – **lol, I know. It was definitely creepy. Like, sometimes people exaggerate about that stuff and make it seem like they're a legit psychic but I happen to know it's because Jhonen and I are identical twins and he just won't tell you that he has a sis―I mean, it was all a freaky coincidence. Yes, that's it.

**Invader Ang – **I know what you mean. I'm the same way, except that I'm like that with another fandom instead. But yeah, I can see what you mean by that. S'alright, I know it won't be very popular, but I'm still going to attempt. Although probably Zim and Dib will ultimately end up together...I'm guessing. I don't know. I don't think my fingers would let me write something where they didn't. No problem. I've been on this site for years and years now, writing and then deleting and so on. Luckily I think I'm in this fandom for good so I should be around a while. Anyway, I've gotten many a negative comment and yours wasn't really negative at all, just your opinion. :)

**rejectsuperstar – **Why, thank you. Characterization is one of the things I'm working on getting better at because it used to suck. Hopefully I can change Zim and Dib just enough in each story I write about them so that they are the same but subtly different, you know? :) The ZADR shall come in soon enough. :)

**1337kitsune – **It was definitely exhilarating to see the episode, but at the same time it was kind of disappointing. I wanted to be the only one to have that cool idea. -snif- Like I said before, I think Dib would be angry enough at Zim making his life hell (from Membrane's constant shame of having a son obsessed with paranormal science to Gaz's insulting remarks about him being a freak to the kids at school rejecting him for his 'weirdness') to finally snap, and when he got him alone...well, yeah. But that's just the Dib in this story, and who knows if he'd really do it? Ahahaha, yes, life as usual.

**Darkdagers – **That reminds me of something I'm planning on doing in the Delaware fic. It'll be a recycled GIR quote, but it fits. Dib will have been taken to a psych ward or something; this is about six or seven years in the future and Zim will have backed off trying to invade to launch a full-scale massive attack that takes a long time to plan. Dib will have fallen in love with Zim and Zim will be kind of antsy about it because he does like Dib but he doesn't know how he's supposed to show it. And GIR will be walking along the sidewalk with Zim while they're going to get Dib out of the psych ward, and he'll be all, "He loves you – that boy loves you so much!" like in the "Bestest Friend" episode~

...no idea how your comment reminded me of that.

**InvAder kit** – GIR is one of the hardest to write, actually, because I start to write him saying something and then I realize I'd heard it in an episode. XD And it'll be like, "NO! Don't recycle, Savannah! BE ORIGINAL." But it's so haaaaard, especially since tacos are like my favorite eat-out thingy and I always want to write GIR saying something about them. That's so weird...in a cool way. My sister and I will do that sometimes with each other. Like several times, we've started singing the exact same song at the exact same spot. It's so weird. -blank stare-

**I've just watched the four-and-a-half hour marathon of IZ. I'm in a good mood. Let's see how long that lasts.**

Dib was incredibly conscious of the stuffed Zim in his backpack. Normally, he'd be taking him out and showing him around to everyone but to the kids it would just be a stuffed animal that looked like an alien. There wouldn't be any proof that it was Zim except for the coincidence that Zim wasn't at school. And of course there was the problem of GIR launching into serious mode when Dib did anything that seemed even slightly harmful.

He felt like he was in kindergarten again, carrying a stuffed animal to school. He half-expected Ms. Bitters to start handing out snacks and allow them to take a nap halfway through the day.

"Good morning, students...happy Monday."

The class groaned in unison, as expected.

"I trust that you all had interesting weekends," she continued, hunched over her desk as if she'd been sitting there the entire weekend. Dib wouldn't doubt it. Ms. Bitters still kind of creeped him out, even though she'd been his teacher for five-plus years now. "Dib, let's hear about your weekend."

The class groaned again. Everyone knew that Dib would just "make up" some stupid story about aliens like he did every time he was called on.

"Sure, Ms. Bitters. Basically, Zim isn't here at skool beause he experimented on himself and ended up turning himself into a stuffed animal. So this weekend I took care of him and his dog, who is actually a super-powered robot from Irk which, by the way, is Zim's home planet. Yeah, and that robot was on _Mysterious Mysteries_ the other night."

"That show is so fake," said a kid who reminded Dib way too much of Keef for him to be comfortable around him. "No one believes the stuff on it. Dib probably just built the story around the fake robot."

Dib stared at the rest of the class blankly. He hadn't expected a change I them believing him, but how stupid could they get?

"I don't understand why you keep obsessing about this," a girl near the back said.

Dib faced her.

"Are you SERIOUS?" he exploded. "Like, honestly. ARE YOU SERIOUS. I landed a SPACE CRUISER in the FRONT YARD. Are you just BLIND? Can you not SEE it? It FLOATS a FOOT above the GROUND. How can you MISTAKE that for an EARTH CAR?"

A boy that Dib had thought had disappeared into the underground classes but somehow miraculously reappeared singsonged, "Someone's overcompensating..."

"Yeah, Dib, just because you don't like your car and wish it was a hi-tech spaceship..."

"It's a perfectly fine car..."

Dib let his head thump onto the desk. He was fairly certain that God and-slash-or the other reigning forces of the universe hated him and were having a field day playing with his life. What did he have to do, slam someone against the side of the cruiser to get someone to notice it? No, with his luck, the person would _still_ think it was a car when it was clearly a spaceship. He thanked the universe for Gaz – he'd go crazy if absolutely no one believed him.

"Life is a spiraling vortex of pain and misery," he said into the desk.

At his locker in between periods, Dib was slammed into it by a group of theater kids who thought it was just great that they were higher up on the social ladder because of Dib, who had taken up residence on the bottom rung. One of the lead roles for the year's play leaned close and whispered, "Crazy _fag_."

As always, Dib remained silent and took it. He never fought back – he didn't have the confidence in himself to. Years of this treatment had broke him down. He knew there were people that came out of these situations stronger, but he wasn't one of them.

The girl at the locker next to him, who was a blonde cheerleader that had tried to switch lockers but been denied the action, was applying lipgloss in the mirror in her locker. "You know," she said to the mirror, "if you're so in love with Zim, you should go out with him. I men, it's obvious you love him. You can't leave the boy alone."

"Because he's an alien, not because I'm in love with him!" Dib argued.

"Yeah, and I'm over a hundred pounds. Come on. You two are totally into each other. Just get together already and get it over with."

Dib was about to retaliate but the girl moved on down the hallway before he could say anything. He was left feeling like a complete idiot standing alone in the hallway. For once, he actually wanted Zim to come around the corner plotting global conquest. It would be a welcome distraction from what he was going through right now. He thought of Zim in his pack and wondered again when exactly Zim was going to return to normal. How long did it take, anyway? Unless it never – no, it would wear off. It had to.

As the last bell rang at the end of the day, Dib prayed desperately that GIR hadn't destroyed the ship. He'd been stuck inside it the whole day with only a coloring book; Dib hadn't known what exactly he should do with the robot. Thankfully the entire ship was still intact, at least from the outside, and Dib opened the windshield to see GIR asleep in the backseat in his dog suit, the coloring book being used as a pillow. A huge bite had been taken out of the corners.

"From the lack of helicopters and media vans, I'm assuming your test didn't go that well," Gaz said as she climbed in.

"Does it ever?"

"You should stop. You're wasting your whole life doing this."

It was the truth, and predictably, it hurt. Dib knew it was unhealthy to keep pursuing this, but he couldn't help hoping it would all pay off someday. He needed to alert everyone to the threat to their planet so that they could prepare themselves for the invasion. Zim might not be a big threat, but the rest of his species was a different story. If Dib only barely managed to stop Zim every time he tried to conquer the world, how hard would it be to fend off Zim's leaders?

That was why he wouldn't give this up. He was the only defender of this planet against the Irkens, and he was going to make damn sure that they stayed away. But it would make it a lot easier if other people knew, because if Earth waited to believe Dib until they saw the Massive coming through the atmosphere, they'd be screwed.

**Shortish chapter. Sorryyy. Btw, my Facebook name is now Delaware Vasquez because I'm really getting into that story. I haven't started it yet...on paper. I have in my mind. XD So yeah, Delaware is apparently Jhonen's kid. I'm not sure how that happened. I'm complicating the story as much as I can so that it's one of those stories where you Google ZaDR and find a few sentences from a chapter midway through the story and you read some and are like "lolwut" and so on and so forth. Hard to describe, I suppose.**

**I like interaction, so...tell me what your favorite episode(s) of Invader Zim is (are). I have a few. I'd have to say "Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom" is probably my favorite. I love seeing Dib have things go his way for once, and he's pretty hot as a teenager, even with short-except-for-giant-lightning-bolt hair. Idk. The Meekrob make me lol, too. "We had to change into a form your human brain could comprehend." "But I could comprehend-(SMACK)". Aaaand I also like "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy". Dib being all vengeful and angry and powerful is pretty hot. And...wait, am I just loving these episodes because Dib does something sexy in them? Am I a Dib fangirl? Omg. I might be. I just might be. And a Dib fangirl who also supports ZaDR and doesn't go "LOL DIB IS MINE BITCHEZ"? How can this be possible?**

**...still, though, what are your favorite eps. No lie.**


	7. Can a Match Box?

**A/N: I'm not usually one to toss my weight around as an author, like "lol I'm so much better than you". I find it rude and demeaning. But you guys are damn lucky that (a) I've already prewritten this chapter and (b) that I can write well even under the screwiest circumstances. Because the last chapter that I've written (the most current, not the last) which is chapter fourteen is going to blow your minds. I just got so fucking sick all of a sudden and was like ready to vomit, and so I wrote for a little while to keep my mind off it, and there is some fucked up shit in chapter fourteen. Jhonen-type fucked up shit. As in, death. Savagery. Basic instincts.**

**Of course I watched _Avatar_ FINALLY before I wrote the chapter so that might have helped. I cried a lot. Yes, I do cry in case you were wondering if I'm a real human with real emotions, since all you can see are my words on the screen. :) If you cut me, do I not bleed? -sad face-**

**...SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.**

**I've apparently taken to calling myself Delaware as I flesh out his character. It's actually kind of cool because when I'm really, really working on fleshing out an OC, which I haven't done in a LONG time, they're kind of like an imaginary friend. It helps me see what they would do in everyday situations. Except it kind of sucks like today I was making garlic-roasted brussels sprouts from Bitchin' Kitchen and he made fun of me and asked who the hell ate that shit. ;_;**

**Xenatig – **I am glad I am the cause of your squeeing. :) Thank you also for your admiration of the lump of gray organ that controls my thoughts and actions. Your appreciation does not go unnoticed. I did enjoy that episode. That's the one with the Resisty, right? I loved how Dib was all "WTF NO THE MASSIVE WAAAA" and it turned out to be the Resisty's ship and it just shrunk and exploded. And if that's the wrong episode, I am going to feel like _such_ an idiot. Oh, and I love long reviews. Don't be afraid to leave one.

**ARRGM – **I've never seen the Halloween special. I just saw the GIR episode the other night, though, and I made my dad sit down and watch it and he cracked up when the squid said that. Oh, no, wait, he was cracking up when GIR said, "He's getting' eaten by a shark." I was proud of his sense of humor.

**MoonToy – **I would hide in the closet and contemplate m meaningless existence. :)

Oh, and you might want to spell Jhonen's name right because he has spies everywhere.

-creepy face-

**Invader Ang – **Oh god, no. I learned that at a very early age. Delaware shall have all his own faults and mistakes, and not ones that make people feel sorry for him. You guys are seriously going to wonder how he is such a bitch. XD Like, he pisses me off for the majority of when he's hanging around. He's cynical, insulting, flighty, and doesn't tolerate shit. I won't list what he's like, though...you'll just have to read the story. ;) lol, maybe. I've only read like one _Warriors_ book so I'd probably be totally lost, but I could give it a try, haha. I kind of hate that episode because all it is is them doing dramatic reenactments, but other than that, it's great. GIR—oh wait, no, Stacy. "Her" interpretation was the best. "I was a chubby lady hiding in the bushes!" XD

**Darkdagers – **As of right now I'm still planning it, but keep an eye out for it. I expect it to be out sometime in the next month, maybe less. :)

**Unknown D Flamerose - **...yes. XD

**1337kitsune – **I just don't see him belonging anywhere but with Zim. XD Like, I've tried to imagine him with a girl and it just doesn't work. I've looked at a few DAGRs but it wasn't my cup of tea. There's a reason why it's spelled like a shorter version of "dagger". ;_; DATR is alright, but I haven't seen much of Tak. Not even the Tak: The Hideous New Girl episode. It was on today but I didn't know and missed it. ;_; And I despise ZAGazR. Just...no. She'd kill Zim the first time he pissed her off. Their personalities clash too much. Dib is just too much of a loser to be with any girl, sorry. XD Even one that was also interested in what he likes. I guess it would be kind of cute to read/write a story about a new girl who is all, "That's so cool, teach me" but...eh. Nah. The spiraling vortex of pain and misery is a saying I've been using for four years, haha. I don't remember where I heard about it, but it's one of my "catchphrases". :)

**heartofstone15 – **No kidding. -frown-

**VampiressKatasandra – **So you saw the question and since you're so self-absorbed you decided you'd review to let me know the answer to the question, huh? HUH? Lol, jk, jk. I didn't see the whole episode of that so I'll have to watch the whole thing to see what you're talking about, but it sounds great. XD

**Holy hell, before long I'll have two full OpenOffice pages of reviews before I get to the story. But seriously, keep the reviews coming. Maybe they'll stave off whatever sickness is plaguing me. Next week I start work and have to stand on my feet (no shit; what are you going to stand on, Del, your fucking hands?) for eight hours, and that won't be fun. I got blisters from wearing flats too small and the back of my feet are all bloody and my dad's surprised because the rest of my family are total drama queens, but I looked at the blood and was like, "Awesome shit, man." I am really not a normal girl. XD But omg, the shoes are so cute. Go to Payless Shoe Source's main page and you see the Christmas flats in that little ad box? The ones from American Eagle and they're plaid red and have that little ruffle? That's them. Luckily I traded them for the next size up and my feet are healing but omg, they are fucking adorable. That's where the regular girl comes out. XD**

"You heard that girl, right, Zim?"

Zim watched silently as Dib threw his pajamas onto the bed while rooting through his dresser. The human's problems didn't matter to him, but they were still entertaining to hear and he _had_ found the girl's statement to be rather ludicrous. Him and Dib..._in love?_ What fresh hell? Where did the humans get these insane ideas? He could halfway understand him and Tak, even if he wasn't much attracted to her, but _Dib_? His archnemesis? Then again, he _had_ kept the Dib-human around longer than necessary...

"Like we could really ever be in love. We hate each other. Besides, we're not even the same species. I don't even know how that would work. People come up with the stupidest things!" Dib slammed his dresser drawer shut and slipped his shirt off, figuring it wasn't much of a big deal.

But as Dib reached across the bed for his pajama pants, Zim was faced with the view of the human's pale, slender chest. It was rather nice...for a human chest, anyway. Zim really did find it interesting that the humans grew to this size all the time, that it was average, when most invaders never grew past five-foot-five. Zim himself, in his natural non-stuffed form, was only barely five-foot-two, and one of the shorter invaders.

Thankfully, Dib backed up again once he'd gotten his pants and changed out of sight of Zim before getting into bed. He didn't bring Zim closer to him or put him under the covers. He just turned his back on Zim and was asleep within a few minutes.

That left Zim to sit there and think. The experiment really should have worn off by now. How much longer would it take, or would he be stuck like this forever? And why was Dib even helping him? He could have left Zim there in the base and be done with him, and that was the reaction he expected, not this—this hospitality Dib was showing, even if it was limited to just giving him and GIR a place to live.

It was more than Tak would do, he mused.

Humans were so weak. You showed them something cute and they crumbled. You gave them a situation which they could show compassion in and unless they had something better to do, they helped out the best that they could. That was where Irkens had humans beat. Irkens showed no mercy. If it was considered inhumane, well, Irkens didn't care. They did things without a sense of regret. And that was why, when the Tallest came, Earth was going to bow to the Irken Empire.

GIR climbed up onto the bed and curled up beside Zim.

"Hey, master. The cheese ball is big tonight!"

Zim rolled his eyes. GIR was the most human an Irken could get. That, at least, was reassuring.

* * *

"So everyone thinks that GIR was fake," recapped Dib, "and I can't show him to the people on the show because he'll go into defensive mode, probably, and electrocute me until I stop existing. So there is officially nothing I can do until Zim goes back to normal, which sucks because then he's not defenseless and I'm right back to where I started."

Gaz crammed half of her waffle into her mouth. "Your life sucks," she told him once she'd swallowed.

Dib had to agree with that. He pushed his PopTart around his plate for a while before taking a small bite out of the corner. Gaz rolled her eyes and stuffed the other half of her waffle into her mouth, then went to the sink and put her dish inside. "Come on, I wanna take the ship again."

"Gaz...you know I don't like to take it out a lot."

Gaz burned holes into Dib's forehead with her eyes. "I know you didn't just say that," she hissed.

"Uhm...okay. We'll take the ship." Despite the fact that she looked like an average fifteen-year-old girl, Dib knew from experience that she could make his life hell. "Seriously, though, Gaz, if we run out of energy or fuel or whatever it runs on in the middle of the road, then we're walking."

"I know. Let's just go already."

Halfway to skool, the ship ran out of juice. Dib gave Gaz an "I told you so" look and asked the ship, "And there's nothing you can do?"

"Not true, Dib. By the way, you're looking particularly attractive today."

Gaz made a sound of disgust.

"Now switching to backup fuel tank one."

"What?" Dib couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Backup tank? How many of those do you have?"

"About fifty, my stunningly talented overlord."

"Wow," said Gaz, "resorting to being complimented by a machine. You _are_ a reject."

Dib sat there, frustrated, the whole rest of the ride to skool. How could he not have checked to see if there were backup fuel tanks? Now that he thought about it, there was no way it _couldn't_ have backup fuel tanks. After all, Tak had piloted it all the way from Devastis, so it _had_ to have more fuel than just one tank. And Zim had come from Irk with a ship extremely similar.

He was missing important things, things that would be vital to know if he was going to fight the Irkens. He needed to pay more attention; he needed to up his game. No matter if anyone believed him or not, he was going to have to dive into alien technology more than ever before. He'd have to see if Tak's ship held any other secrets about the Irken Empire, secrets he could use against them.

"Tak's pretty," GIR said happily from the back. "I like her more than I like pizza!"

"Tak's hideous," Gaz shot back.

"Then I like her MORE!"

Dib groaned.

* * *

By the end of the week, Dib was ready to go crazy. Or crazier, anyway.

Zim still wasn't back to normal and it was already Friday, the day that Dib was scheduled to have the surgery for his PAK. He had gone through the day feeling like every organ in his body was about to fall out of his butt, and as he walked home that afternoon, his feet seemed like bricks of lead.

"You're probably happy about this, aren't you?" Dib asked Zim when they arrived home. He'd set Zim on the couch since he didn't imagine it was too comfortable in his backpack.

Zim was silent, arms crossed.

"Now that I'm getting a PAK, it'll probably make your life a hell of a lot easier. All you have to do is pull it off and I'm dead." Dib shook his head. "I don't know how I'm supposed to fend you guys off. It seems like every day that goes by, something else happens that makes it hard for me to defeat you." He paused, thinking over what he'd just said. Why had he just told Zim all that? It was just like the times that he talked out loud to himself or discussed his plans with a nearby bush. He flopped onto the couch, shutting up, and tried to relax before tonight.

Not unpredictably, Gaz walked in just as Dib was beginning to relax. She'd gone on her date right after school that day at Bloaty's Pizza Hog so that Membrane's recording drone didn't find out that she was gone. Dib couldn't tell how it had turned out — Gaz pretty much always had the same facial expression.

"I'm going to my room," she said abruptly, and disappeared into her room.

"You're lucky you don't have a sister, Zim. They're just trouble." Dib told him, readjusting himself so that his head was close to Zim. He could see the alien give him a dirty look, which was expected. He wasn't a big fan of human emotions.

"By the way...can you _believe_ that girl thought we were in love? I mean, come on." Dib laughed, although it sounded insincere and canned. Added to the fact that Dib was bringing the event up, even though it had happened four days ago, Zim was thinking that Dib wasn't really convinced it was stupid. Did he agree with her even a little bit? And why on Irk would the human filth even entertain the thought? Irkens almost never fell in love, and if they did, it was always with one of their own. And Dib was not an Irken.

Or was he? He was getting an artificial PAK, and wasn't that a key Irken trait? If his skin suddenly turned green and he grew antennae, he could pass as an Irken. The Tallest would never guess, except for the eyes, of course. Those would have to change, too, and then he'd be able to pass as an Irken elite, probably ranked very high up, close to the Tallest.

Wait, what was he doing? He was going completely against what he'd just told himself. He was entertaining the thought of Dib being an Irken, and that...that was an abomination.

Dib was nothing like an Irken.

He was too caring, too weak, too...squishy. He could not be a ruthless invader like Zim and the other Irkens. At the first enemy he had to blast into oblivion, he'd crumble. He had mercy and Irkens were supposed to be completely merciless.

_Then why do you let him live?_

What? What was this voice in his head asking? And why was his subconscious even coming up with an argument for the point?

_Seriously, Zim. You've had opportunities to destroy him. So many of them. And you always seem to let him go in the end. You never finish the job. As time's gone on, you've gone after him less and less, and even let him go a few times more than you used to. You're becoming weak, Zim._

No! Zim was not weak. He could dispose of Dib any moment.

_Then why don't you? Zim, you've been given all the chances, and a few times you've come close, but in the end he always goes home free. And why, do you think, do you do that?_

It was a pure coincidence. Dib just always managed to elude him. It was nothing like the voice in his head was suggesting. He didn't keep Dib alive for anything except pure entertainment.

_Oh, shut up. You know that's the reason. You find him interesting. You think he's worthy enough to keep alive. He's not like everyone else here._

_EXACTLY!_ Zim wished so much that he could move. His immobile legs itched to be pacing right now. _He's completely unpredictable! Well...NOW he's predictable. BUT I don't understand just WHY he CONTINUES to defend this WORTHLESS ball of DIRT even when NO ONE believes him! He really thinks he can fight off the ARMADA? He just keeps at it even though it's HOPELESS! And ME...well, I still don't really know why he would agree to take home his worst ENEMY..._

"Zim?"

The alien snapped out of his conversation with himself and looked at Dib, who had looked up in concern and was fixing those amber eyes on Zim. _Yes, stink-beast?_ he asked, even though he knew that Dib couldn't hear him.

"I was just wondering what was going on. You look like you're pissed off or something. I don't know. Is there...uhm...is there anything that I can get you?" When Zim didn't respond, Dib smacked his forehead in embarrassment. "God, I'm so stupid. You can't even talk. Uhm...well...uh...well, anyway. It's not supposed to last this long, right?"

No, it wasn't. Zim was beginning to get worried. What if he was stuck like this forever? He couldn't exactly rule the world with an iron fist like this. But what could Dib do to help him out of this predicament? Nothing, that's what. Dib was just a sniveling worm-baby, just like the rest of them. He may have been smarter than the vast majority, but he was just the same—a human.

_Oh, yeah? Then what about that electrocution thing you saw happening? That certainly doesn't happen to normal humans. Dib's not an average human being, and you know it._

Yes, yes, that was certainly a complication. Zim would have to inspect that further.

"Zim?"

What did he want now? Zim looked back at him again. This time, Dib's eyes were softer, more sympathetic. Sympathy: what a _human_ emotion.

"I know you hate this. Believe me, I do. We're gonna figure out some way to get you back to normal so that we can go back to hating each other as soon as possible. Okay?" Dib's face lit up suddenly and he said, "I know what we can do! We can go to your house tomorrow and call the Tallests!"

_NO!_ Zim screamed, but he didn't have vocal cords anymore. He tried with everything in him to move, to speak, to do _something,_ but he remained completely lifeless.

The Tallests would have one look at him and label him a complete failure, yes. But Zim was sure that they'd annihilate Dib for having contact with the Massive. They weren't going to stand for an inferior species contacting them, and on their next trip past Earth, they'd blast him to bits. And Dib...well, Dib was his human to eliminate, not the Tallests'. He wouldn't stand for a hair on Dib's large head being touched if it wasn't by him. But nothing he did was working — he remained as frozen as ever.

**Zim doesn't know that the Irken Empire could care less about Earth. XD Anyway, as you can see, Zim's romance towards Dib (or potential romance) is based mostly on his territorial obsession with Earth. He's like one of those fucking huge lions. Like, this is my bleeding, decomposing gazelle, and you better back the fuck off before I go all ninja on yo' ass.**

**...I'm not like other girls.**

**So. Question time. Favorite fast food chain? Mine would be Taco Bell. Seriously, tacos have to be the one food that is always good all the time. I always have room for a taco. I always have time for a taco. I always have money for a taco even if I have to steal it from a homeless person. Tacos may just be my favorite food.**

**I hate it when GIR fans say it's their favorite food, though. A lot of times they're just trying to "be more like GIR" by saying that. He's an Irken android, you can't be like him unless you're made out of metal and no, when you act "random", it's not cute. Because this is "random" to GIR fans with no brains:**

**OMGZ COOKIE LOLZ LOOK HOW RANDOM I AM FISH TACO**

**...no. I've seen more than my fair share of that on another writing site I'm on where people welcome new users like that. No, you're not random. It's not cute. Shut your fucking face.**

**I mean, I can understand being like Dib. Or Gaz. Or whoever. But you have to like that stuff before you see the show for me to genuinely believe you. Like, I've always thought those Psychic Kids kind of shows are neat. I have a fascination with anything not real. That's fantasy, science fiction, supernatural, paranormal, whatever. I love Seelie and Unseelie. And so on. But I'm not a loser or a reject (although I was in highschool the first two years) and I don't have a dad who ignores me (although my mom does, but I'm done with her) and I don't have a sister who focuses only on video games and threatens to kill me on a daily basis.**

**So yeah, don't try to act like a character. It majorly fails. Let someone else define you from what they see. My dad tells me I used to be like Gaz because when I was a kid, I would play video games for days and days on end and get pissy if you tried to make me socialize. But he says now I'm somewhat like Dib but for the most part I'm not. We just share a love of stuff that is typically defined as not real. Tada.**

**So there's my little rant about people who say they're "random", people who like the same stuff as characters so that people say they're like those characters, and...whatever else. Oh, yeah, fast food restaurant. Tell me your favorite.**

**...btw, I've been told by four different people who don't know each other that I remind them of Sam from _iCarly_. Am I really that abrasive and sarcastic? I guess so. XD**

**Holy shit, the author's note is like longer than the chapter.**


	8. InFlight Movie of DOOM

**A/N: So I'm better now. It was one of those 24-hour illnesses and I'm not sick anymore. Let's throw a party. No, seriously. I'll find any reason to have a party. I like to have fun.**

**Unknown D Flamerose – **I was searching around for pairings and it occurred to me that I've never seen a GIR/Tak story, so I decided I'd throw a little somethin'-somethin' in there.

**Invader Ang – **Yeah, I've gotten quite a few responses like that when I tell people about Delaware. "I thought I was the only one!" No, ma'am, you most certainly were not the only one. Reminds me when I was tweeting a little with Jordan Witzigreuter of The Ready Set, and he was all "I'm gonna take a pre-show nap" and I said I always get nauseous when I take naps in the afternoons and he said he thought he was the only one. Still took his nap, though, because he's not the brightest crayon in the 64-crayon pack. Oh well. At least now I know that I'm not a freak because there are two people who definitely feel nauseous after afternoon naps: me and Jordan.

Eh, I was kind of turned off by Warriors because my best friend was obsessed with it and it just seemed like it was way too complicated, like there was so much in there and you'd have to read from the beginning to the end and get some kind of Cliff's Notes for it. I bought the first two manga volumes but they were just pathetic and no one cares about Millie and Graytail (or whatever his name is) anyway. Firestar is pretty beast. He was a cool guy. Yeah, I consider S&S fast food, mostly because there are a bunch of them all over and they serve fast-food stuff. It's an alright place.

**chiischi – **I talk too much, whether it's online or in real life. You will not get me to shut up unless I'm feeling sick or very, very bored. I'm the girl you see who's always making the smartass comments and the teacher asks if they're interrupting her conversation and she fires back, "No, don't worry, you're not bothering us." That would be me. I bring entertainment to peoples' dull, dull lives. I like the Chicken Fries at Burger King, or whatever they're called. Not the burgers so much although I do enjoy burgers.

**MoonToy – **Actually, you spelled it wrong again. It's Jhonen. XD

**heartofstone15 – **Sonic is epic. I'd forgotten about that place. Their milkshakes are out of this world. I was driving around my old hometown the other day and saw a Sonic, but it had closed. They'd built it when I was gone and apparently never got good business so it closed down. Sucks, too. I'd have been a daily customer. I'd have gotten so fat, but Sonic and NJ are just two amazing things. Yes, this will be a ZADR fic regardless of opinions, but it's not really very ZADR. Like, later on there are some ZADR actions but it's nothing heavy. It more focuses on plot twists. The Delaware story, though, starts off very ZADR. I already started writing the first chapter and Dib has already embarrassingly given a Valentine's poem to Zim. Although the way it happens is quite funny and totally canon. XD

**Darkdagers – **That's always the way it is in ZaDR. ;)

**Xenatig – **Yep, but I'm all better now. Points if you guess what ep that's from. Taco Bell is amazing. I'm so sad you guys don't have it Down Under because it's an epic place. I'll send you one over airmail, how is that?

**Well, we kept this down to under a page. Thank God. I was going to go crazy if it just got longer and longer. But that doesn't mean to stop leaving reviews. It's just that I talk too much. I need to learn to control that. I'll be having sex and talking nonstop about the weather and America's problems and it'll piss someone off eventually.**

The surgery was the most painful thing that Dib had ever been through.

It was worse than the electrocution from stabilization. About ten thousand times worse. It made him want to crawl into a corner and die, but he couldn't because he was in body restraints and strapped to the table so many times that he could swear his circulation was being cut off. Membrane had warned the team performing the surgery not to use any equipment that required electricity in case there was some left over from the stabilization and it reacted badly. Anesthesia was the same way ― Membrane was afraid it would react the wrong way.

Dib had been stretched out on his stomach on the cold operating table, arms and legs spread and shackled to the metal so that he couldn't move. The restraints were the old hospital type and went around his upper and lower back, leaving the smooth middle open and free for surgery. Dib had a rag stuffed into his mouth that he could bite down on when he was in pain and that would muffle his screaming although the neighbors had learned t ignore any weird sounds coming from Membrane's house.

The way they'd opened his back had been awful. They'd used a scalpel traditionally, and Dib could hear it as it cut through his skin cleanly. He'd wanted to pass out right then and there, but the pain was so intense that he couldn't even do that. After they'd slit open his back (and Dib had been able to feel the blood as it soaked the skin around his cut), someone had gone inside and attached some kind of wires to one of his heart's valves and one to his spine. It sounded simple, but it had taken an entire five minutes of agony, which was much longer than it sounded when you were having open-heart surgery performed without anesthesia.

He was pretty sure that he had a series of blackouts after they had stitched him back up and switched the PAK on. He halfway remembered the surgery team reminding him of a few things about the PAK, but the words were a total blur, and somehow he ended up in Tak's ship in the garage, falling asleep as he hit the seats. He wasn't even awake to see the ship produce a blanket that it placed overtop of Dib and adjust the temperature settings to warm itself up, protecting Dib from the near-freezing winter temperature.

He also wasn't awake to see GIR carry Zim into the garage and place Zim in Dib's arms, backing away and saying, "Awh, how _cute_."

And he wasn't awake to feel Zim relax into him just the slightest bit.

* * *

Dib awoke with what felt like a jolt of electricity. It was as if he'd just come out of a horrible nightmare that he'd died at the end of and woken suddenly but he hadn't dreamed at all the night before. As he began to come to his senses, he remembered what had happened last night ― the surgery, the PAK, the pain. He reached a hand around to feel the PAK. There it was, cool and smooth under his fingers. A pod connected to his spine and heart, keeping his heartbeat normal. He sighed to himself. Maybe he could hide it under his trenchcoat. But no, wouldn't that be noticeable? Maybe he'd just have to embrace it, let it show, and accept the fact that he was a complete freak. It couldn't get much worse than right now, could it?

Oh, who was he kidding. Of course it could.

He noticed something in his arms and sat up to get a better look at it. Zim. Someone must have put him here the other night. GIR, probably, the little troublemaker.

"Morning," he said. "You sleep well last night?"

_I don't sleep, human,_ Zim snapped silently.

"Oh, that's right ― you don't sleep. I totally forgot. Well, anyway, I'll get ready and then we'll go call the Tallests." Dib set Zim down on the ship's seat and ran off to change and get ready.

A wave of nausea passed through Zim's antennae. Dib was walking right into a disaster and he couldn't do anything about it. Zim wanted the satisfaction of destroying the stupid monkey himself. He couldn't stand to think about someone else staking a claim on his property. Irkens were territorial as well as merciless, and it was driving Zim crazy that someone else might kill his human.

When Dib came back, he was excited as anything. This was real alien contact he was going to be initiating. With alien leaders, even. Wait until the Swollen Eyeball got a hold of this.

* * *

The trip to the base raised no complications with GIR leading the way. Zim halfway hoped it would ― at least he'd be the one responsible for killing Dib and not the Tallests. But they made it to the base without a problem, and Dib was almost vibrating visibly with excitement as he looked over the rows of buttons and switches. "Which one calls the Tallests..." he wondered aloud.

GIR walked ver and studied them as well before pointing to a big red one. "This do," he said.

Dib was about to press it when GIR added, "Or maybe that makes the 'splodey."

It _was_ big and red, so Dib paised and looked at GIR. "Which one is it? Does it call the Tallests or does it explode stuff?"

"Hm...I dunno."

Wonderful. So Dib was risking his life if he pushed it. Defending Earth wouldn't exactly be easy if he was dead, so Dib sat back in the chair and tried to think of a way to know for sure that the button called the Tallests. He was fairly certain that this place didn't come with an instruction manual, and Zim was literally speechless. And of course GIR was no help.

The one time he was actually succeeding and it was blowing up in his face.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the Massive, the Tallests were just sitting down to enjoy a breakfast of donuts coated with syrup and sprinkles. They'd discovered syrup on one of the planets that they'd converted into a zoo and ever since, they'd been putting it on everything. For in-flight entertainment on the way to their next planet, they were letting the Irkens that weren't manning any important stations take turns putting on puppet shows. The worse they were, the farther out of the air lock they were shot. The ones that were tolerable were kept on rotation until the Tallests would eventually get bored.

The latest had just ended when Purple came up with what he thought was a great idea. He suggested calling up all the Irkens stationed on planets that weren't important and ordering them to come up with entertainment, since it did get awfully boring in the Massive with the same Irkens day in and day out.

"But what if they're terrible at entertaining?" Tallest Red asked.

Tallest Purple shrugged and said, "Then we shoot them from space as we pass by their planet. It'll be fun!"

"Well...I do like blasting..."

So it was settled. The minor planets along the way to the next major planet would have their invaders contacted in hopes of some new, refreshing entertainment. But unfortunately, Earth was the closest, and the Tallests were not looking forward to seeing what Zim had up his sleeve. Then again, it might be interesting ― he could be running around being fed on by an alien-sucking parasite again.

When the screen in front of them lit up with contact to Zim's base, all they could see was the back of Zim's swiveling chair. GIR was standing off to the side, babbling to himself incoherently.

"Invader Zim?" Tallest Red asked in confusion. "Are you there?"

The swivel chair spun around to reveal―

"AGH! IT'S HIDEOUS!" Tallest Purple shrieked, bringing his arms up in front of his eyes and turning away. Tallest Red made a retching sound.

"Hey!" cried the human in the chair. "I'm not the one with green skin and antennae! Wait...are you the Tallests?"

It was obvious among the Irkens who was the Tallest. Even young Irkens were conscious of who the Tallest was at all times. Asking if Red and Purple were the Tallests was like asking if the Earth sky was blue. The Tallests looked at each other and burst out laughing while the human sat there stupidly. "Are we the Tallests," Purple choked out through his laughter. "What kind of a question is _that_?"

"And what's your name, human?" Tallest Red asked through a brief break.

"I'm Dib...remember? Zim captured me a few times. Like when he put me in the time-stasis field. My _god_, that was annoying."

Tallest Purple looked confused. "I thought he used you to speed up that explosion."

"Yeah."

"Didn't you die? No one could have survived that."

"Yeah, but I'm all better now. Anyway―" Dib interrupted before the Tallests could ask if he was related to Skoodge, "―I have this problem that's kind of a big deal. You know Zim? Well, of course you do. Anyway, something kind of happened to him. He experimented on himself, and...well...look."

Dib held Zim up to the screen.

The Tallests took one look at Zim and burst into hysterics again.

"He so cute," GIR explained.

"Zim's done some pretty crazy things, but this takes the cake!" Tallest Purple had to lean on Tallest Red's shoulder for support ― otherwise, he'd be collapsing to the ground. "And how long has he been like this?"

"About a week."

Dib stared in silence as the Tallests continued to laugh like hyenas. He was getting the impression that Zim wasn't exactly popular among his leaders. He turned Zim around to face him and gave him a sympathetic look. No matter how horrible Zim had tried to be, he still didn't really deserve this kind of treatment. Dib knew what it was like to try your hardest and not be taken seriously.

"So is there any way to fix him?" Dib finally asked once they'd stopped laughing so much.

The Tallests pressed a few buttons on their end and a microphone came out of the wall on Zim's. Dib couldn't believe it when Zim's voice began to speak.

"Hello, my Tallests...what prompts you to contact me today?"

He sounded nervous, which was understandable. Zim was very into impressing his leaders, and having them call for an anonymous reason while Zim was incapacitated was probably not looking too good. Still, Dib never thought he'd miss Zim's voice, but apparently Zim was so much a part of his life that everything seemed to right itself again as soon as the words left his mouth. Or head, since he hadn't actually opened his mouth when he'd talked.

"Actually, we were hoping that you might have some entertainment for us or else we were going to annihilate you. But this is entertaining enough," said Tallest Purple, suppressing a snicker, "and it seems that we've got someone else to blast to space bits instead. Send up that human sometime soon. Actually, no, don't do that."

Dib breathed a sigh of relief.

"We'll pay a visit in a few days and see your progress," Tallest Purple amended.

Dib was so horrified he felt like he was going to throw up. "But why?"

"It will be an interesting chance," said Tallest Red, "to see this species. They're rather tall, aren't they? You're always complaining to us about how they call you short. And that will give us an opportunity to maybe turn it into...oh, I don't know. Maybe another Foodcourtia type of planet. Speed your mission along maybe and let you rule over this species. They really are pathetic," he whispered the last part to Tallest Purple, who nodded. "We'll take care of the human when we get there. Maybe he can serve as a slave."

The broadcast ended before Zim or Dib could say another word.

**I don't like writing the Tallests. I can't, and they piss me off. Thirdly, they piss me off because I can't. Oh well. Good thing they're only in this story one more time.**

**I'm so pissed off already. My dad made waffles to freeze, and I can't eat them because it's like eight p.m., and then I was talking to him about something I just noticed...which is that my two favorite foods are waffles and tacos. And guess who else shares those favorite foods. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. I was talking to him about how it pisses me off when people like those foods just to be like the character and how everyone was going to think I was just doing it to be like GIR, and it's the sad truth. Although to be fair I hate cupcakes, except for the icing part and if the bread part is especially good, I like that. I adore tuna. It doesn't win me any popularity points. I also dislike cake. Pie is better. THERE, SEE. I'M DIFFERENT FROM GIR. I SWEAR IT. Besides, he's not even my favorite character. Dib is, and then Zim, and then GIR. Speaking of which, I was in Hot Topic today and saw GIR headphones which I need to put on my "list of things to get with my first few paychecks" because my ears are seriously freakishly small and no earbuds fit them. I'm fer real, guyz. But yeah, they had a whole wall dedicated to GIR stuff and it was a bit annoying. I was looking for something Dibby, but there wasn't anything. ;_;**


	9. The Untitled Chapter TM

**A/N: I have the Internet open right this very second and I'm looking at the Recent Fics list, and it's appalling how writing has gone downhill nowadays. It's all badly written OCs and predictable plotlines with overdone, cheesy lines. You guys make sure and tell me if I'm getting like that, okay? The Delaware fic will start out seeming kind of cheesy because Dib gives a love poem to Zim, but then it ends up that the ink is all smeared. XD And after that it gets progressively less cliché, so you should be able to bear it.**

**1337kitsune – **Hm, I figured as such. Unfortunately, not much happens with the PAK...but something else will happen along the lines of what you're saying and hopefully you'll be pleased with what's in store. Chapter 14 is actually the least chapter...I was going to write five or six more but I had to end it there. No particular reason, mostly just because that's what my brain was telling me, so...yeah. :)

**invAder kit – **YOUR ACTIONS ARE UNFORGIVABLE―trololol, just kidding. I don't mind. As long as you've caught up. (1) I've only seen it once and halfway forget that line but someone put it on my Formspring which was a pleasant surprise. XD (2) Yeah. I'm better now, though. Well, not really. Puberty and mother nature are laughing at me this week. I hate being a teenager sometimes. (3) Never ever heard of it. It sounds like this crappy place we have in the food court called ChickeNOW which they replaced Chik-Fil-A with. Last time I was here in NJ they had CFA but now it's that crappy restaurant aforementioned. God.

**Darkdagers – **Zim and Dib are just two unlucky little bastards.

**Invader Ang – **I saw that. Well, not you buying the hat. I just saw the hat. Without you buying it. XD Anyway, I really like the hoodie but putting the hood up would be a little weird-looking in my opinion. I don't know. Then again, I'm dying to go to an anime-con sometime in the not-too-distant future so I'll have to get used to that. You know that white/black hoodie from Skelanimals and it's sleeveless and has the lightning bolts on it and the pink hood with the cat ears? Dahvie Vanity wears it in one of his videos, and I have the freaking exact same one. I thought that was so cool. XD But yeah, I guess I just have to think of it like a different cat-ear hoodie. :o

**heartofstone15 – **Nope, that's being saved for my next fic. Well, not really. I'm not a smut author. People on Tokio Hotel Fiction are always griping about how I'm such a great author and they would love to see some smut from me and it's like...the reason I'm a great author is because I _suck_ at writing smut and heavy romance. I stick with fluff and fantasy/paranormal for the most part. XD I wasn't sure if my hate for the Tallests was just something about me or if it was something about their character so I'm glad I'm not an intolerant bitch who hates fictional characters. XD I shall go on a search for this supposed Dib T-shirt, and when I find it, there shall be much jubilee. :o You're welcome. XD For the idea, I mean. Let me know if you ever put up a story with Gir/Tak because I'd like to see it.

**MoonToy – **lol, I like to consider myself a pyro, too, but the key word there is "consider". Because I'm not one. I'm squeamish at pain. Ironic, huh? Well, maybe not so much because you've never really seen how twisted I can be. I have a few oneshots I can send your way that are just...savage. They're horrid. Blood and pain and necrophilia and all kinds of shit you'd vomit at. Bondage, BDSM, and so on and so on. Anyway. Back to sanity. YOU PRONOUNCED JHONEN WRONG, COME ON.

**VampiressKatsandra – **I spelled your username wrong but I'm too much of a lazy asshole to go back and fix it. So deal. :) Shirts and stuff? I'd imagine he would wear his trenchcoat over it, but Membrane put a temporary electromagnetic field disruptor in it so that he can slide shirts on and the PAK goes through them. If that makes sense. Like, like, like...like wings made of energy or something and you just slide on the shirts through the wings. Yeah, like that.

**Sender unknown – **I don't know, because I don't know who the sender is. ;_; /rimshot

Wow, you're right. I do curse. A lot. I'm a fucking pottymouth. Although I'm seventeen and hormonal so I have an excuse. :) XD I never used to because my mom would always say she'd scrub our mouths out with soap and my siblings were little tattletales so I could never do it. I guess now I'm rebelling since I don't live with her anymore and...yeah. -looks around, whistling- I can be a good girl...

Zim on the bottom...actually, I've toyed around in my mind with both ideas. I was just about to tell you I think I like uke!Zim but now that I think about it...oh god, I like both. (Hopefully that emoticon thingy shows up or I'll look like an idiot.) I like them both, I can't decide. :')

**Xenatig – **No, that's the episode. I think. I'm pretty sure. I just remember that he dies in one episode and then he comes back and someone (maybe Zim?) is all, "Didn't you die?" and so on and so forth. I like GIR too but I do like the other characters and it's disappointing that all you can really buy is GIR stuff. Makes me want to make my own Zim/Dib T-shirts, bro. Fer srs. I might just like iron a picture onto a sweatshirt or however you do that crap.

**Randomstrike – **Alright, let's see if I can answer the important parts of all your reviews. XD Yes, this is my first Invader Zim fic although I've been writing for eight or nine years now. Actually my first official IZ fic was a oneshot where Dib took a gun to Zim's house and tried to kill him, couldn't because he didn't want to, and it ended somewhere with Dib falling asleep and Zim coming over to kind of sit with him but yeah, that didn't go very far. It was too horrendous. So this is my first official, _official_ one. I love reviews. I'm not annoyed by how many are sent or how long they are. I adore feedback. Alligators? Pools and front yards...hm. Only if you live near where they are. Like, they don't just go walking through the streets. But if you lived in a swamp and an alligator was bored one day or saw a little kid walking along the lake or swamp where it was, then yeah, they'd come out and attack or even go into the pool. I've heard of that happening. I lived near the bay, which was kind of near the swamp, but I've never seen one. I've seen an alligator trail, like it's this little bit near the shore of the lake where you can see plants and grass pushed down because of the alligator's tail being so heavy and swishing back and forth, but I've never seen one outside of a zoo. :) Yes, yes, Dib will be very jealous of Delaware and Zim's relationship but then again he's got one with Delaware, too, so Zim will be jealous of that. Honestly people would think it's Zim/Dib/OC based on the summary but for the most part it's really ZaDR because they're both jealous of the others' occupancy with Delaware. XD They really just want each other, ftr. Nope, he won't change back in Dib's bed, but that would be pretty sexy hexy, huh? ;) Haha, pizza. I like pizza, but tacos beat pizza any day. The bad part about tacos is that there are never enough. I could sit there and eat ten tacos at a time but since there are only three, I'm left wishing there were more tacos. ;_; Well, the ones I get, anyway. At Taco Bell. They have the three-taco meal. Well, the rest of the fic is already written and the chapters are all about the same length but I'll keep your request in mind. I don't like making chapters long because I like having more chapters, and it's hard work coming up with long chapters, especially when typing them. Typing these chapters takes me like an hour because I have to do all the reviews, too, and I don't want to be sitting here for three or four straight hours typing up a chapter. XD Thanks for all the reviews. :)

**rejectsuperstar – **Yeah. -cute smile- Haha, thanks.

**Invader Blunt – **Thank you! I feel like I should be yelling when I respond to you! XD Nah, it's just the name "Blunt" and it makes me think of an officer for some reason so when I was reading your review, especially with the exclamation points, I read it like you were an army lieutenant guy yelling at me. ;_; SO I AM YELLING BACK. Anyway. Stuffed animals really don't have DNA so I pulled that out of my magic hat of tricks. If you notice, there are some things in my fic that really make no sense, and by then it's like, "Just pretend and play along and enjoy." XD In actuality, with real science, Zim's experiment wouldn't work because stuffed animals have nothing but fur and fur...cells...I guess...inside them so yeah, nothing would happen. But it's fun to pretend, eh? ;)

**Just because the review responses are longer than the chapter doesn't mean you should stop leaving them. I love to read them and respond. I AM A SOCIAL PERSON, OKAY? ;_; No, but really. You should see/hear me in real life. I'm like super-animated and I never stop talking. Not like the annoying girl who pretends she's so random (remember the "random" rant a chapter or two ago?) but more the one who has something to say about everything. I'm the one who carries the conversation while other, more awkward people thank God that someone talkative like me is around to take the weight off of their shoulders. XD**

"Dad, the Massive is coming."

Membrane turned around to look at his child. It only figured ― after all, he did have favorites with his children. The scientific device in his hand didn't leave it, but he'd given his attention, at least. "What exactly is a _Massive_, Gaz?"

(Here, the author was saying: "Did you see it? Did you think it was Dib saying it at first? What? You didn't? You're saying it was more obvious than I thought?" Also, the author's Latios-morph of an alter ego was hitting the author with a breadstick and saying, "I thought you agreed not to put authors' notes in the middle of stories! Didn't you promise that when you went back through all your old Code: LYOKO stories and saw how stupid it looked? And of course the terrible stories that have very blatant authors' notes about how funny they think they are and jokes and whatever else they can think of. Didn't you promise?" To which the author was weeping and saying, "Yes, yes, gommennasai, just please stop hitting me with the bread.")

"It's a giant spaceship," Gaz continued, unfazed by the very obvious interrupting author's note. "It's full of all these aliens called Irkens. They're coming here to destroy the planet. Dib was right. He's always been right, every time he's told you about aliens or spaceships or whatever. And he came back from a meeting with the alien leaders and they say they're going to turn the planet into a good court and make Dib a slave. Personally, I don't care about the slave part." She'd hated even admitting that Dib was right. "But I kind of like Earth." She opened one eye just a slit. "_Kind of._ Don't take that out of context. Remember the world is about to be destroyed."

Not surprisingly, Membrane stared at her for a few seconds (although who could see anything behind those thick glasses?) and began to laugh.

Gaz clenched her fists until they lit on fire. The Earth was probably doomed anyway, but she'd rather die in a cool explosion fighting the Irkens than end up as an eternal slave to ugly green aliens. "Seriously, Dad."

"Oh, Gaz. Such an active imagination, just like your brother."

Dib walked in then, carrying Zim.

"Dad, she's not kidding around," he said, coming up next to her but being careful to avoid the fire. "They're seriously going to come and invade the planet. You know that green kid I'm always talking about? Zim? The one that I'm absolutely positive is an alien? Well, this is him ― he turned himself into a stuffed animal by accident."

Dib held Zim out to Membrane, who took the alien into his hands and looked him over skeptically.

"I know you don't believe me," Dib said, "but it's the truth, alright? Just...just pretend that it's actually real. Pretend that he's really an alien and that this is all going to happen. Do some tests on him that you would do if he really was an alien, except don't do anything to hurt him because if he really was, you'd probably want to keep him alive." When nothing had happened after a few seconds, Dib added, "You might want to do something quick ― Gaz's hands are on fire."

Membrane sighed heavily. "Alright, son. I'll do this just once, you hear me?"

Dib was so ecstatic that breathing became something he had to remember how to do. "Yeah, of course! Thanks so much, Dad!" He threw his arms around Membrane, something he couldn't remember doing since he was probably nine years old.

* * *

Gaz and Dib were allowed to watch from the observation room as the team and Membrane went to work on Zim. Gaz was glued to the glass window, watching the operation with great fascination, probably because it involved scalpels and all other kinds of sharp objects poking Zim. Dib was actually feeling kind of nauseous thinking about Zim on the operating table and he was facing away from the glass.

"You're being weird," Gaz said. "Five years ago, you would be all up for watching Zim get cut up like German bologna."

Dib shrugged, turning a page in the latest issue of _Paranormal Monthly._ "That was then. I'm not really as obsessed with killing him anymore. After all, you said it yourself―he's pretty terrible at taking over the world. It's more his leaders we have to look out for. He alone isn't too much of a problem, especially with the decline in the quality of his plans lately."

Gaz agreed, so she said absolutely nothing.

It was four hours before anything happened. Gaz was still watching with complete interest in the surgery, but Dib was lying on the floor, the magazine a few inches away, his eyes closed, and breathing evenly. He'd fallen asleep an hour before and hadn't woken up even once. Gaz really was a little surprised. Dib had changed and he didn't even realize t. His whole goal in life had been to kill Zim first and defeat the Massive afterwards. Why had it reversed all of a sudden? Was he developing some kind of affections toward Zim?

She focused back on the operating table again. What she saw there was definitely going to test this new theory.

She dropped to the floor and shook Dib's shoulder, hard. "Dib, Zim's in trouble."

Dib awoke gradually, blinking sleep from his eyes. "Huh? What?"

"Zim's back in his original body and he's bleeding―a _lot_."

That woke him up. Dib scrambled to his feet and pressed his face against the glass to see Zim's form spread out on the operating table, his hands gripping the sides of it so tight that his knuckles were turning light green. A long incision was made up his stomach, stopping right below his chest. The cut was surrounded by dark greenish-black blood, soaking his skin just like Dib's had been during the PAK surgery, and his mouth was open in a silent scream, eyes screwed shut. The glass didn't allow sound to pass through into the observation room, but Dib could tell it was a loud scream ― some of the team members were wincing.

Dib went ballistic on the glass, pounding it over and over. It was thick, though, and he wasn't making any progress. He was screaming as loud as he could, though, and Gaz was ready to strangle him.

"Hey! I never said you could do _that_! You can't kill him! He's the only one that knows about the Massive! And besides, he's not really dangerous! _Hey!_"

He was getting nowhere. Dib shook his head in dismay and backed up until he was at the back door, which he and Gaz had discovered was locked from the outside near the beginning of the first hour. They initially had questioned why but now it as obvious. Someone must have believed that Dib had actually been telling the truth and gone the extra, precautious step.

Dib didn't allow himself time to think. He ran at the window as fast as he possibly could, his left shoulder out in front, and slammed into the glass, sending it exploding outward in a shower of fragments. Apparently, whoever had locked the door hadn't thought that Dib would try to break out through the glass.

The team was only about five people, and one had gone off to disable the alarm. Gaz, in a moment of strange behavior, climbed through the window and ran at two of them, both holding scalpels, but her reasoning became clear when she grabbed for the scalpels―she always _had_ talked dreamily about being able to wield one as a weapon one day.

That left two unarmed scientists. Dib climbed through the window as well, ignoring the sharp pain that set his nerves on fire as he brushed against glass, and landed on the tile floor. He debated making a remark about how he felt like a superhero for doing that with his trenchcoat billowing around his legs, decided against it, and raced at the scientists, fury replacing blood. Two feet away, he leaped at one of them and tackled him to the ground, smashing his fist into the guy's nose before he could even react. The other guy looked terrified for his life. Dib had no idea why, since he was only a teenager and neither of the adults should have been afraid of him, but he went with it and brought the other guy's arm up behind his back until he heard a snap. Satisfied with the immobility of the two, Dib set to work on freeing Zim from the restraints, but as soon as he thought about how he was supposed to open them, they snapped open.

"Dib?" Zim asked, breathless. His eyes were wide, panicked, and completely Irken. It was unnerving seeing big red bug eyes on a human...but then again, Dib was used to it.

"Yeah. Shit, you look awful." Dib's eyes traveled over the slash made with the scalpel. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"A lot...but I can keep it somewhat closed. We need to leave―_now_."

"Of course." Dib helped Zim up and managed to get into the elevator with him. He pressed the button to stop at the garage, and in just a millisecond they were shooting off.

Dib was heartbroken when he felt Zim trembling against him like they were in the middle of a blizzard. One of his hands was spread over his cut, trying to keep it closed, and the other was resting on Dib's neck since he was leaning against him for support. Yes, he'd spent the majority of his life hating Zim's existence, but no one deserved this. Maybe Dib's emotions were just too human, but he couldn't stand thinking about the pain that Zim had to be in. This was wrong. How could he ever have thought that this dissection would fix things? He hated dissecting the frog in biology class freshmen year, even. He was obsessed with the paranormal, yes, but that didn't mean he had a disregard for life.

"How bad does it hurt?" Dib asked in the silence.

"Badly," Zim answered, breathing hard.

"I can imagine."

"No," Zim hissed, "I believe the word in your filthy Earth language, Dib-stink, is 'badly'. How 'badly' does it hurt. But count on you to mess that simple thing up."

Dib couldn't hide his grin. "I missed that so much."

"What? Me terrorizing you?"

"Yeah. And your voice. And your freaky claws. And your antennae and your so-called skin condition and your bug eyes."

"Idiot. You could see all of that the whole time."

Before he could stop himself, Dib leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to Zim's temple. It surprised the Irken so much that he shut up for the rest of the ride to the garage. When they arrived, the door sliding open to reveal it, Zim drew in a breath before coughing and then vomiting dark green blood.

"Zim!" Dib cried in concern.

"Oh, settle yourself. Why do you think Irkens only have one organ, besides the heart? It's because we are a survival species. We are known for being nearly impossible to exterminate―there are no vital organs that we must really watch out for like humans. Only our squeedily-spooch. Sometimes I wonder how humans survive past puberty with all those organs so important. Do damage to any one of them and your whole body shuts down. Weaklings."

Zim was trying to act tough, and he was probably right about the squeedily-spooch and the Irkens being a survival species, but Dib could tell that he wasn't doing nearly as well as he pretended to be. He guided Zim over to the ship and opened it, guiding him inside and onto the seat.

"Ship, override security measures. Zim isn't an enemy right now. By the way, would you have any idea how to fix him?"

"I don't suppose you'd want to leave this place before we're captured," Zim spat.

The ship read Dib's brain waves before he even had to open his mouth and it rose into the air and shot down the street, silent except for a very soft hum.

"You saved me," Zim said as they flew, his antennae poking gently through his wig. The ends were quivering the slightest bit. "I didn't think that you would do something like that. Even after the experiment. Isn't that what you wanted all along, to have me dissected?"

Dib swiped at his eyes, knowing his angry tears were still there. He couldn't let himself cry, no matter the reason. But it was so hard; everything was crashing down on him. The Massive was coming. Their planet was going to be destroyed. And Zim, the only chance they had to talk the Tallests out of it, was ripped open like a science experiment.

No. That wasn't the only reason and Dib was lying to himself if he said it was.

"Yeah, well..." Dib cupped Zim's face gently and offered a sad smile. "...I don't want that anymore. Don't you get it? I don't want Earth destroyed. Gaz keeps telling me that you're so terrible at conquering the world, and she's pretty right, to be honest. You're not a threat, Zim. Sorry."

Zim shrugged nonchalantly. "I know. I've known that for a while now. I'm not a good invader."

His breathing was becoming irregular, more shallow. Dib called the computer to take care of him, and within a few minutes Zim's incision had been sealed up and his seat's temperature had raised itself. Zim sighed and continued, "When I came here, I thought I could do anything. I was Zim. Zim! The invader that had been underestimated my whole life. I was the invader that everyone made a joke out of, but I was going to rise above and show them that I could take the challenge. That I was so much different than what they thought of me as."

Dib admitted to himself that he hadn't really thought of Zim's life before he came to Earth that much. It was something that he'd just assumed he didn't need to know about and therefore he only had an understanding of the fact that Zim was trying to conquer Earth. He knew that Irkens didn't have families, but he hadn't explored other possibilities in Zim's previous life.

"And it didn't work," Dib reasoned.

"No. I screwed up every mission that I undertook here, and the few victories didn't impress the Tallests."

"Doesn't it ever get tiring? Trying to impress them, I mean."

Zim stared straight into Dib's eyes. His own eyes were dark like they held years and years of knowledge and stress. Ancient knowledge. Knowledge Dib wouldn't be able to understand.

"You're not an Irken," he said slowly, "so you aren't aware of what it feels like to be one. Irkens...they're not like humans. Humans are a very adaptable species and can become completely independent if they need to, but Irkens...they're hive animals. The Control Brains are the leaders of the hive, and all the Irkens below them have something inside themselves that drives them toward obeying the Control Brains. And the Tallests are really as close as some of the Irkens can get to Control Brains. I was given the mission of coming to this planet and doing what I could. I've followed that to the letter. I'm just―" One corner of his mouth lifted up in an unsure smile. "―very bad at it."

"Why are you so willing to tell me all this?"

"Because you saved my life. I'm in debt to you. It is the Irken way. And besides," Zim brushed his claws down Dib's arm just enough to send nervous, pleasured shivers up it. "It's not their job to kill you. You're mine to kill. It's always been that way."

"That's reassuring," Dib said, halfway serious. "What do you think will happen now?"

Zim readjusted himself and more blood passed through the thinly closed line of his incision, but he held his hand out to stop Dib from saying anything. "It's alright. The injury will have healed itself by morning. Your father knows you were telling the truth by now, so he'll know you weren't lying about the Massive. My guess is that he'll try something to stave off the invasion. He focuses on science; he's not going to fight them. But without knowing what he's planning, I'm not sure what's going to happen."

"Should we stay here? Or what? Zim, I have no idea what we're supposed to do."

"I know. Don't worry about it."

Dib was astonished. "Zim! I'm going to worry about it! I don't want Earth turned into a food court, and that's exactly what's going to happen if we 'don't worry about it'!" The air quotes he made were aggressive and angry, and with good reason.

Zim rolled his eyes. It was clear to see that he was once again wondering what the hell was wrong with humans. "Oh, stop it. Yes, it's possible that the Massive will land and you'll all be obliterated. Yes, it's also possible that your worm-baby of a father will find out a way to divert the Irken armada. I don't know what will happen, alright?"

"So, what, you're just going to let whatever happens happen because it's not your planet? You're just going to damn this place to hell?"

"How am I supposed to do anything?" Zim argued back, eyes narrowing.

"I don't know! Fight them! Talk to them! You owe me, don't you?"

"And that would just do _so_ much."

The only sound for a few seconds was the quiet hum of the engine. Then, in a flurry of movement, Dib was on top of Zim, screaming at him and smashing his fist into Zim's face over and over again. "_Fuck you, Zim! Fuck you! Fuck you!_" He repeated the words as Zim attempted to defend himself, and eventually lost all desire to fight, instead moving back to his side of the seat and pulling his knees up. He hid his face in them and shook, and Zim could tell he was crying.

"Fuck you to hell," he whispered through his sobs.

Zim wasn't particularly injured. His incision was healing nicely, and even though he'd seen Dib develop some kind of superpowers in the lab, they'd been absent here. His face was stinging, but it would stop in a little while. Right now, he had to focus on figuring something out.

Dib looked at Zim for just a second, eyes filled with hate, and to his surprise Zim wanted to sink into his seat and never come back out.

**WOW, this was a bitch to type. Five hours. Well, I got interrupted a ton of times, mostly by lunch, checking other websites, an emergency friend chat, some drama, some meatloaf (I love me some meatloaf) and yeah, anyway, here it is. My brain is scrambled like an egg right now, so just let me know what you think. I love interrupting ZaDR "therapy time" with Dib's sudden fits of rage. Wait, what the fuck, Savannah. You've only done it once. Fuuuuuck.**


	10. No, But A Tin Can

**A/N: Alright, I'm giving you guys a freebie since I know a lot of you have finals right now. I remember being in highschool and having finals. It was horrid. D: So here is a little piece of something for you to enjoy while you're stressed out over possibly failing your classes and having to start them over again, despite the fact that there were only...**

**Oh shit. Never mind. I forgive you guys. I hate it when it seems like I've got four reviews because I keep getting like two a day. Turns out I have nine reviews for last chapter. Never mind, you guys earned this one. :)**

**JaedtheEcho – **Well, it was quite hard. D: No, I'm kidding, lol. It was actually pretty easy to do Zim because I've got his personality locked into my brain now. And Dib is pretty easy, too. I just leik the emo-Dibbeh. ;3 So yeah, they probably wouldn't have a fluffy, love-filled moment so I had to make sure it rollercoastered up and down and that Zim didn't suddenly fall in love with Earth or anything, because that wouldn't happen.

**Xenatig – **Yeah, I wanted to make it seem a bit ambiguous at the beginning like he was finally paying attention to Dib like he deserves, but no, it was Gaz. :( Dib's clone powers acted up so that's why everyone was all freaked out, because he was using superspeed and so on but he didn't notice it because it seemed normal to him, like Edward probably doesn't notice how fast he runs until it's in comparison to a human. -hates herself for making a Twilight reference- Since Gaz seems to have otherworldly powers due to her being a clone, I figured Dib should have some as well. XD No problem. I love talking to people and this is how everyone used to respond to reviews before there was a stupid REPLY button on the side of the reviews. I hate just talking in emails. :/

**Invader Blunt – **I am not sure. XD It just came across that way in my head. Lol, yeah, I really just pull stuff out of my ass for the science bit. I'm sorry. But I hate research and besides, a lot of stuff in IZ is made up and could probably never happen in real life. XD

**Darkdagers – **They really are always unlucky. ;_; I get to feeling like GIR sometimes when I think about how doomed Dib and Zim's romance is from the very beginning. "THAT BOY LOVES YOU! HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH! -sob-" That's pretty much how I am with these two. Everything is against them. Earth would hate them for getting together, Irk would hate the Irken-human relationship, and honestly there's no place for them to go. D:

**sender unknown – **Yeah, I wouldn't be able to pick. ;3 lolol. Yes, I break the fourth wall sometimes (and I am proud to say I know what that means because a lot of amateur writers would be like "lol, what wall I see no walls here") because it's just plain fun. Like, "I am aware I am just a TV show-slash-fanfiction written by a teenage girl who enjoys parties and spending long nights in front of her computer clicking around the Interwebz". It's like I'm finally noticed by somebody. ;_;

**xX Eternal Promisee – **Someone's idol? I've never been someone's idol before. -flails about- Dammit, now I have to put on my "someone's idol" clothes and I think those are in the washer and damn, my studded leggings have a rip in them. ;_; TOO MUCH PRESSURE WAAAAH—oh, a bowl of rice. -takes-

**XxproperxsadxladyxsilentxX – **Wow, your username was hell to type out. :D Dib's an abusive boyfriend, huzzah. XD

**VampiressKatasandra – **You steal my flailing? ;_; Oh well, I suppose I will allow you to flail for a short while. I am quite generous after all.

...lol, no, flail all you want, I do not ownz ze flailing.

**Heartofstone15 – **I figured. :( Dib's not speshul enough to be put on a shirt all by himself. The merch people are just as cold-hearted as the people in the show. ;_; Or...maybe they are closet ZADR fans and they don't want to put Dibbeh alone because they know he belongs with Zim. :o Nu, it does not make you a bad person. Dude, I'm into the handcuffs and screaming and torture kind of BDSM, so I'm fairly certain your enjoyment of romance blossoming through pain is nothing to worry about. XD Like there's this one pic where Zim is behind Dib and Dib has his shirt off and he's got bleeding gashes everywhere, and Zim has him handcuffed and it's like sdsfsfsfsfsfsf YES PLZ. I'm a sick bitch. ;3

**Well, that's all for today's show. Tune in next time for―seriously, Sav, something is fucking wrong with you. Get a grip on your own brain.**

Zim woke Dib up to see the sunrise.

Dib had fallen asleep in tears last night, and he had ended up lying across the seat as a bed. Zim had carefully pulled Dib just a few inches over so that his head was resting on Zim's lap. It hadn't been something that Zim had consciously thought about. When the beginnings of color appeared on the horizon, Zim felt a small twist in his squeedily-spooch, and he gently nudged Dib's shoulder. "Hey. Hey, look. It's the sunrise," he whispered.

At first, Dib didn't want to get up just to see the sunrise. But when he realised just where they were, his breath caught in his throat and he sat up immediately. "Zim! The ship is flying!"

"Of course."

"How did you...I mean, I tried so hard..."

Zim waved a hand nonchalantly. "It is Irken technology. I would have been worried if I had _not_ been able to get it to fly. But look—the sunrise." Zim's eyes, large and red, were fixed on the horizon, and he was breathing very quietly, trying not to disturb the scene.

"You've never seen the sunrise?" Dib asked.

"I've never been out early enough."

"But...on your own planet. You have a sun, right?"

Zim nodded. "But it's very small and very far away. The sunrise is next to impossible to watch, especially through the thick clouds on Irk. Earth's is...rather nice, to be quite honest with you, and honesty is not very becoming of an invader." He watched Dib out of the corner of his eye. "Would you mind being honest with me, Dib-human? What is that pod on your back? The one that looks like a Pak."

"Basically, that's exactly what it is. You heard me when you were a stuffed animal. If you manage to get it off, I die immediately." Dib leaned his head back against the seat. "My god, flying is so amazing."

Both of them were silent, but Zim wasn't admiring flying. He'd done it, after all, more times than Dib would be able to count. Instead, he was thinking, putting those years and years of training to work. He would find a way to keep the Massive away from Earth so that he could continue on with his mission, and he'd keep Dib safe, at least until he got to kill him himself. What could he possibly do to preserve this planet, even if only to stay around until he conquered it himself? After all, he was invader Zim, Earth was his planet, and he was _not_ going to let someone else do what he had been assigned to do.

He froze. "That's it!"

"What?" Dib demanded, facing him head-on. "What's 'it', Zim? Did you think of a way to protect Earth?"

"_Preserve_, not protect," Zim corrected, "and yes. Dib, you have a Pak now. You may not be Irken, but maybe the Tallests will listen to you for a brief amount of time."

"How am I supposed to convince them to leave Earth alone, Zim?"

"You're not." Zim was thinking in hyperspeed now, and beginning to smile. "You just have to keep them interested while I infiltrate the Massive. I can find the ship's computer, override for emergency situation, and send it into hyperdrive away from Earth. It will take _years_ for them to get back, and they won't go to all the trouble. Earth still isn't important to them. And then _I_ will conquer the planet _myself_, and rule it with an iron fist, and all shall bow to me!" He ended in a cackle and was very surprised when Dib threw his arms around the invader. "What's the meaning of this HORRIBLE human affection?"

Dib squeezed tighter. "You're saving us, Zim. You care!"

"Oh, that's PREPOSTEROUS. I'm merely postponing your planet's imminent DOOM."

But Dib didn't let up, and Zim didn't force him to. He told himself it was because he'd seen what Dib could do when provoked, but it really did feel rather comfortable. Zim wondered silently when he had lost sight of himself and become such a human.

* * *

"I'm a clone," Dib admitted as they were traveling through the atmosphere.

Zim had told him that he would need all the information he could get ― that was the only way they'd both be able to survive this thing. Zim needed to know any weaknesses that Dib might have, since he'd be attempting a pretty risky thing, and Dib figured it would be best to tell him since they were en route to the mother ship and Zim could turn on him in a second.

"Explain this...this human term to me," Zim said with distaste.

"It's...uhm...well, basically my dad took some of his DNA one day and he made me from it. So I'm basically him, but my own person at the same time. I have to get stabilized every once in a while, which is when I get strapped to the wall and electrocuted. I've been told I'll probably live forever if I keep doing it." Dib bit his lip and looked away ― truth be told, it was embarrassing to admit that you were less human than anyone else on the planet but that you were the one who defended it.

Zim began to laugh. Once he'd composed himself, he said, "That is quite entertaining. You see, Irkens are born the same way, except that our genes come from a randomized gene bank and we have no parents. An Irken doesn't go searching for his gene donors. He knows that those gene donors have supplied genes for thousands of other Irkens, and no emotional connection can possibly be made. You're more Irken than human, Dib-stink."

"I'll never be a filthy alien like you, Zim."

"Suit yourself." Zim shrugged and leaned back in his chair, stretching his long green legs out in front of him. "Make sure to tell the Tallests you're a smeet, though. It will probably gain you favor."

"A smeet?"

"Baby Irken," Zim clarified.

"I'm not a baby!"

"In Irken years, you are. Sixteen? That's horrifyingly young. I myself am one hundred and twenty Earth years old."

Dib wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Someday _he_ would be one hundred and twenty, and he'd probably keep his age appearance altered so that he looked like a teenager or a young adult. He'd see so much. He'd watch decades pass and other people succumb to death, and he would still be alive to see what happened years and years in the future.

"You're quite tall, too," Zim added. "A few inches more and you'd surpass the Tallests. That will give you respect from them."

"Yeah, but no pressure, right?" Dib said under his breath.

"Actually, there will be intense amounts of pressure. With all the variables factored in, it will be nearly impossible to―"

"ZIM, IT WAS A JOKE!" Dib interrupted. After a few seconds, he said, "I wasn't being serious when I said that. It's a figure of speech. Now you've got me totally freaked. What if they don't listen to me? What if they catch you? What if we can't make it out of the Massive before the hyperdrive sets in? We'll be stranded lightyears away from―"

"Dib! Stop it!" Zim stabbed a claw at the windshield. "Look."

Outside of the windshield, just beyond the glass, was the infinite blackness of space. Dib blinked a few times to make sure it was really there and wasn't even aware that he was leaning forward. "Oh, wow," he breathed in amazement. "I've always wanted to see this. It's so beautiful."

"It gets boring when you're always traveling through it."

Dib wasn't paying attention. He had turned around and was looking out the back window, starstruck. "I've always wanted to see Earth all together like that. I can't believe that I'm protecting that enormous planet. It feels...amazing."

"I thought I wasn't that much of a threat," Zim shot.

He was right, of course. Dib's delusions of grandeur were just that―delusions. He was "protecting" Earth from a below-average invader who would probably fail invader school if there was such a thing. Suddenly this seemed like a very bad idea. If the Tallests had already conquered planet upon planet and turned them into food courts and parking places and storage planets, what chance did he have? These aliens weren't amateurs like Zim―they were the real deal.

Zim gently placed his claw on Dib's wrist in an uncharacteristic display of concern. "Settle yourself down. We'll make it."

"What if we don't, though―?"

"We will! Stop it. Stop doubting. Leave no room in your mind except for success. Only let yourself think about what happens when we win."

"Is that what you do?" Dib snapped.

Zim tightened his claw just enough to make Dib yelp in pain. "Leave no room for doubt, human. It's one of your greatest flaws. We _will_ preserve your planet, no matter what. Our mission _will_ succeed. And the Tallests _will_ listen to you. I promise. And a promise is not something that Irkens toss around. Understand?"

Dib swallowed hard and nodded.

"There," Zim said.

At first, Dib thought that Zim was saying it as a show of comfort. But then Zim pointed his other claw out the windshield to the right, and Dib realised that he could see the faint magenta shape of the Irken Massive. Around it were what seemed like little pinpoints of light, but Dib knew they were the scouter and armada ships that surrounded the Massive. He forced himself to breathe deeply ― they weren't attacking the Massive, so there was no reason for the armada to shoot at them or try to board them. They'd fly right up to the Massive and dock, and it would seem normal until they undocked and flew for their lives. By then, the Massive and all surrounding ships would be blasted lightyears and lightyears away.

Think about positive, not negative.

They would win this. They would send the Massive far away. They would do it.

Dib covered Zim's claw, the one on his wrist, with his hand.

They would do this.

**Eep. So Zim and Dib are taking on the Massive. Fun fun. Well, I've got a billion things to be nervous about, too. D: I'm starting my job at Joyce Leslie today and on the 29th I've got an MTV party to go to...well, it's not exactly an MTV party. My best friend is in a show on MTV called "I Used To Be Fat", which is premiering on the 29th. She's the one with the black, curly hair that gets out of the car in her graduation gown, and her mom goes (later in the commercial) "She could have just said 'stop putting cookies in the house'." And then my best fraaand goes, "Mom, I did." So yeah. If you see that commercial, just know that's my best friend and so I'm getting invited to the premiere party and that's why I'm excited.**

**w00t. :o**


	11. I Love You Lol, But Seriously

**A/N: I'm going to try and stay awake, but I just got off work and...bleh. I work full-time at a Northeastern girls' clothing store and it's fucking tiring. I mean, I like the work and everything but by the time I get home I'm ready to collapse, so promise not to hit me if the chapter suddenly goes "And Dib and Zim were dfjskfs;gmnd" or whatever.**

**Darkdagers – **No, I totally get what you mean. It's fucked up but at the same time it's totally normal. It's fun because you can throw so many things at them.

**Invader Ang – **No prob. Yeah, Zim likes the sunrise. I got that from an interview with Jhonen where apparently Zim was supposed to end up seeing the beauty in life on Earth and chiz and become its protector or whatever. That was what was supposed to end the series, after the movie thingy. But alas, Nickelodeon decided they'd do what they do best – fuck things up. And now we are left watching IZ reruns on Nicktoons, who, while being almost as horrid as Nickelodeon, are not quite. Although Nickelodeon did bring _iCarly_ and I like that show. :o Yeah, I'm seventeen and enjoy a kids' show. The world will get over it.

**Rejectsuperstar – **He really is, if you think about it. I love the irony in the situation. :)

**MoonToy – **Don't worry about it, I figured you were at least reading and I like readers even if they don't review. I do prefer reviews, though, because I like to hear what people thought about the chapter. :) Yes, watch MTV that day. It won't be her episode, but she's probably in the theme song somewhere.

**Xenatig **–Nah, nothing amazing. It actually is kind of disappointing. Well, maybe you could count it as amazing. Idk. You'll have to see. Lolol, yes, back in the "olden days" there wasn't a reply button and we all answered in the stories. I like it better this way anyway. Haha, my Dib is supposed to make you want to do that. He's too adorable. :) In the Delaware story, he smokes, though. But in my opinion, that makes him even sexier.

**Heartofstone15 – **Haha, thanks. As you can see, it's very emotionally exhausting. I had like three people ask me for advice in the fitting room today. "Does this dress make me look fat?" No, okay? It doesn't. I mean, yes, you're overweight, but black is slimming, duh. Just ruffle it in the middle and you look great, okay? Leave me alone, I'm water-folding and can't be bothered to tell you how fat you look in a dress. And then this older woman, like fifty years old, who wouldn't shut up about a party she was going to. I mean, it was alright. I enjoy socializing so it wasn't hell or anything, but that lady could talk. When I'm at work I clam up even though I'm a chatterbox normally. "And there's this electric blue dress but it's so _cold_ outside, and blah blah blah." Yes, we're in New Jersey. I am aware that it's cold outside. Get a fucking shoulder wrap and call it a day. ANYWAY. Nah, his plan won't fail. Well, it kind of will but kind of won't. You'll see. I'm drawing a blank on which picture you're talking about. Care to remind me and I'll "reply" it to you? D: (God, I hate that thing.)

**Girl whose username starts with something about a sad lady that I won't type out – **lol, Zim is a pedo. That gave me a laugh.

(I love how your nickname is longer than the review.)

**Rin – **Don't be too lazy. D: If George Washington had been too lazy to cross the Delaware (lol, cameo), where would we be? NOWHERE. We'd all be sitting in log cabin eating succotash! D:

...lol, I don't even know what succotash is.

**Lol, I'm just gonna call you Storm – **Holy fuck, what is that clusterfuck of a username. LOL, LOOK AT ME BEING DEMEANING. No, I'm sorry. I'm a bitch. Okay, anyway. The Pak isn't very special. It doesn't do much in the story. I can't give anything else away without giving out the whole story. Thank you for your support of my friend that you don't even know. :) I will make sure to tell her. Honestly I hope MTV _isn't_ there because I always look like a dork dancing unless it's sexual (what the fuck happened to my dancing genes) so yeah, that would not be great. ._.

**A Person – **lol, a person. Hey, person. Thank you for your random, anonymous appreciation of my story.

**Sender unknown – **No kidding. XD

**btw, sorry if the first letter of some peoples' usernames isn't capitalized. AutoCorrect does that and I'm too lazy to go back and change it. So you will have to deal with the horrors of having a capitalized first letter. I know, it's hard. But you and I will get through it...together.**

"My Tallests," said Zim.

"My Tallests," Dib repeated just as formally.

"Good. You're not Irken, so it won't seem to carry as much significance, but if you act nothing but respectful, it will double it. A foreign species paying honor to the Irken leaders...they may find it incredibly flattering." Zim removed his wig and pressed his antennae back against his head. "Now do this."

"Zim, I don't have any―"

"Just pretend you do!"

Feeling very stupid, Dib imagined eight-inch-long feelers on his head, matching Zim's, and attempted to press the invisible antennae against his head so that the pointed ends stuck out through the back of his hair. Zim nodded in approval. "Good, I can nearly see them. The Tallests will realize your countenance mirrors what it would be if you had antennae. Remember―do not look directly at them unless they are speaking to you. Otherwise, it's disrespectful. The Tallests are to be almost like your gods, the people that you would immediately lay down your life for. Keep that in mind. Remember to plead your case for as long as you can. List all the positive things about your planet, and speak as if your father will give them difficulty if they try to invade."

"I'm kind of sc―"

"Don't be. Listen." Zim took Dib's face in his claws and made him meet his eyes. "It will be alright. I will keep you safe."

Dib searched Zim's eyes, swallowing hard. Without thinking too much about it, he began to lean down and tilt his head, his eyes fluttering closed. He wanted to at least try this, to see if it really was what he wanted or if his mind was taunting him.

"What are you doing?" Zim demanded.

"It's a human ritual. Before doing something dangerous like this, humans press their mouths together." Anyone other than Zim would have sensed the total bullshit in that, but Zim completely believed it.

"Alright," he said slowly. "So what do you do?"

"Just let me," said Dib, and began to lean forward again.

Zim didn't close his eyes, but it didn't make any difference to Dib. He pressed his mouth against Zim's thin lips and removed Zim's claws from his face, bringing their arms down to form a V in between them. Zim almost opened his mouth and bit down on Dib's soft human lips, but he decided it would be better to keep it closed. Dib swiped his tongue once across Zim's bottom lip and then pulled away, not wanting to push it.

"That was...nice," Zim admitted quietly.

It was more than nice. Dib's head was swimming, and he couldn't form a coherent thought. He was vaguely aware of the stupid grin crossing his face, but he couldn't seem to get the message to his brain. "Yeah," he agreed breathlessly. "It was really nice." He'd gotten his answer―he was definitely attracted to Zim.

"It seems a bit strange for a pre-violence ritual."

"Yeah, well." Dib turned back to the controls, preparing to dock.

The transition was flawless. Although Zim was a joke in the Irken Empire, no one suspected him of total, full-scale, purposeful treachery to th Tallests. As they walked through the hallway to the main docking port, several Irkens gave Dib strange looks, but other than that they minded their own business. Dib was positively wilting under the stares, feeling as if he was part of an exhibit. Zim kept tight hold on his hand.

"It will be alright," he reminded Dib under his breath.

Dib gave an almost imperceptible nod, his eyes still tracking the various other Irkens. He'd never seen so many aliens in one place. It would have been paradise if he was still on Earth with a crew of news cameras, but since he was currently on board a fighter ship that carried the Tallests he was more nervous than anything.

"Don't be nervous."

"I'm not," Dib lied.

They came to the room before the main room and Dib felt himself begin to shiver just the slightest bit. He held the hand not holding Zim's up and watched curiously as it shook like he was cold. He pulled his trenchcoat tighter around himself.

The door slid open to the dark main room, lit only by a few purple neon lights around the perimeter. Dib marveled―it had to be as big as a football stadium, maybe more. It was more than he could have ever hoped to see. It was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. He wished with everything that he had for his camera, but it unfortunately didn't magically appear in his trenchcoat pocket.

They stepped in and the door shut behind them. Dib's heart pounded in his chest but never went any faster or slower because of the Pak. It just got louder and Dib became more aware of it. His eyes searched the countless Irkens milling around the room doing their various jobs. There were two shadows up near the front windshield, both in some kind of armor and much taller than the other Irkens.

"The Tallests?" he whispered into Zim's ear, leaning down.

Zim nodded. "Remember what I told you."

They made their way up to the front circle of floor, a stage, almost, and took a few steps towards the Tallests. Zim stopped abruptly and Dib mirrored the move, swallowing very hard.

"My Tallests," Zim said, bowing ever so slightly with his eyes closed and antennae back.

"My Tallests," Dib echoed, doing exactly what they'd practiced.

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple turned around to look at them. Dib instantly noticed two emotions in their eyes―confusion, probably at Dib being here, and frustration; at Zim being here? Were they even more disapproving of Zim than Dib had thought initially? Or was it just because he was screwing up what they were planning? If that was the case, Dib completely understood. He'd gone through the same thing countless times.

"Why is this one bowing?" Tallest Red queried, one razor-sharp claw pointing at Dib.

Dib trembled ever so slightly.

"He's scared," remarked Tallest Purple. "Cool! We can make him do anything we want!"

"He's a human," Zim explained, straightening up, "from planet Earth. You know, the one you sent me to observe, Tallests." His voice wasn't quite respectful, though―it bordered on malice.

"Yes, yes, but why have you brought him _here_?" Tallest Red asked impatiently.

"It is his request that you hear out his plea," Zim said. "He knows the action is rather futile, Tallests, but he would attempt anyway. Now, if you please, I have to ask a friend aboard the ship something about this particular galaxy to prepare for my next invasion." He turned to Dib, straightened him up, and pressed their mouths together. Dib was so startled that all he could do was stand there and take it, but he turned pink right afterwards, a loopy smile on his face.

"The ritual," Zim said, looking worried.

"I know," Dib responded. "Bye."

After Zim had gone off, the Tallests shared a glance and then looked at Dib.

"Hey!" Tallest Purple exclaimed. "That's the human that called us when Zim had experimented on himself! Congratulations, by the way. You got what we all want from Zim―peace and quiet."

"Well..." Dib shyly nosed the toe of his shoe across the floor, still pink-faced. "...he's not _that_ bad."

"Not that bad? Not that bad?" Tallest Red burst into laughter. A few surrounding Irkens laughed as well, despite not knowing what the joke was. "The human thinks that Zim's not that bad!"

Now that they knew the joke, the rest of the Irkens laughed harder and more sincerely. Dib was left standing there completely unaware of the joke's punchline. He had no clue that the Irken Empire's opinion of Zim was even worse than Gaz's. "Uhm, alright," he finally said, "so weren't you going to let me plead my planet's case?"

"Actually," said Tallest Red, "we were just going to shoot you out of the airlock."

Dib's knees turned to jelly. "Wh-What?"

Tallest Red began to pace-float very distractingly, hands behind his back. "You honestly thought we'd listen to one of the planet's species? We didn't ask the people on Foodcourtia what they thought when we turned the planet into an enormous food court. Just because you live there doesn't mean anything."

Throughout the mini-speech, Dib had been turning slowly in a circle as Tallest Red floated to keep his eyes on him. When his back was facing Tallest Purple, the Irken made a surprised sound and pointed at Dib's back. "Check it out! He has a Pak!"

"You just now realised that?" Dib asked skeptically, turning around to face him with narrowed eyes.

"He's rather tall," said Tallest Red, and shared a glance with Tallest Purple.

"Uh...thanks. I'm the tallest in my class."

He hadn't given thought to the fact that Irken hierarchy was based on height, or that the Tallests were pretty paranoid of being overthrown by some of the stronger species, or even that they might imagine a capital T when Dib had said he was "the Tallest" in his class. Tallest Purple crossed his arms. "Why don't you tell me all about your little planet?" he asked with a voice Dib failed to realise meant he didn't really care.

As Dib began to talk, Tallest Red pulled out a Taser-esque weapon and searched Dib's back for the point he knew was weak on Irkens. The boy was similar enough: symmetrical, two arms and legs, features in all the right places.

There it was. He grinned to himself and shoved the weapon right into the spot, switching it on and sending volts and volts of electricity into Dib, who collapsed weakly at his feet and then began to seize.

**Omg, poor Dib. ;_;**

**-hugs him-**

**My wisdom teeth seem to be growing in. I didn't even know what they were until today. I have this little bit of tooth poking through my top right gum, and my dad told me what it was and that I'll eventually have to have surgery, and it was not fun. I looked it up and everything, and it gave me a happy feeling to know they usually come between 17 and 25. Like everything was in the right place, or something. I love when things go according to plan.**

**/weird**

**Anyway, so I read some stuff about wisdom teeth and my face went from :) to ._. and finally to ;_;. Yeah, not looking forward to it. I've had two teeth extracted already, but...waah. ;_;**

**Probably the Tallests would blast Zim out of the airlock if he showed up, but that's what imagination is for.**


	12. Honestly, I'm Running Out of Titles

**A/N: Sorry this took a day longer than expected. Actually, no, I'd probably have put it out about today either way. I was busy last night. Work is stripping me of my humanity. Lol, no, jk. Work is fun sometimes. It really is. Exhausting, but fun. Standing on your feet for eight hours does that to you. Anyway, I bring my binder in to work with me and write during my break while I'm eating dinner. XD And the other day I was in the fitting room and while there was nothing going on I wrote part of the Delaware fic on a paper towel, lmao. I'm so weird like that.**

**Darkdagers – **You talk like caveman. D:

**Xenatig – **lol, if you talked to some of my fans on Tokio Hotel Fiction they'd agree with you. I tend to make a flurry of mixed emotions rise in people. (What the fuck was that sentence.) Probably because they're all over the place in my own mind and it just transfers to the paper. I feel emotions very quickly. Like, I'll be angry for a few minutes and then sad and then happy and it's all very fast and that comes across in my writing. If you pay attention you can see a lot of me in my stories. ;) I'm against smoking, too (although I may try pot in college, but who knows) but you're so right. I didn't even think about it until I saw a pic of Dib on dA about fifteen and smoking and it was like "FUCK YES, THAT IS SEXY". So yeah. ._.

Glad to hear you're excited about the Delaware fic, it's coming along very nicely. :)

**YAYAMONKEY – **Thank you for your insight on the story.

:D

**ngrey651 – **Hey, who says it won't be a happy ending? D: (It won't, but still!) Don't assume things, even if you're right. It's bad for your health, and it also makes an ass out of you and me if you've never heard that one before. ;)

...yes, I know you probably have, but it's a joke.

XD

**Invader Ang – **lol, one thing you never have to worry about in my stories is Dib dying because I don't think I would be able to handle the emotional trauma. I can kill Bill and Tom in my Tokio Hotel stories because I know they're real people and not really dead but Dib is just a character and when you kill him, it's like actually killing him. I wouldn't be able to do that. I wuv him too much. ;_; -huggles Dib like obsessed fangirl- lol, yeah, but he didn't know. ;) I think it's cuter that way. Besides, I never see anyone on IZ kiss so I don't know where Zim would get it from. XD BOO, WISDOM TEETH, FUCK YOUUUU.

**MoonToy – **Ah, it's good to know I'm molding the minds of the younger generation with my stories. :) lol, nuuu, you're probably considered the same generation as me. I'm seventeen, about to turn eighteen, and I'm guessing you're like thirteen or fourteen. So yeah, we're the same generation. I would like to kill the Tallest, but that will have to be saved for another fic. God, I would like to kill them so much. I had my adenoids taken out twice (somehow they grew back. ._.) and the first time I had an allergic reaction to the codine and hallucinated demons and Satan for hours. I don't remember it, but the way my mom tells it it sounds horrible and traumatic. Maybe that's why I'm so fucked up in the mind. ...lol, no, it's because I listen to Lady GaGa all the time and watch shows like IZ. I also had braces for five years, so I just need my teeth whitened a few shades and I'm good to go. I never get cavities. I've had one in my whole seventeen years because I rock. :D

**heartofstone15 – **Yeah, no kidding. I don't think I've ever hated a character as much as I hate the Tallests. And yes, fuck, I hate "we'll see" or any variation thereof. It's like just fucking tell me already, I'll find out soon anyway. Oh, and I saw your reply to my message. It might be the thingymajigger that kills links but it also might not be, so I'm just going to tell you to friend me on FB so I can send it to you on message there so there are no problems. =_= The display name is **Delaware Vasquez**, and anyone reading this right now can friend me, too. Just SEND ME A MESSAGE SAYING YOU'RE FROM HERE. Or else I'm going to deny it. ._.

**1337kitsune – **NO EXCUSES. Lol, naaah. And dude, you made like a million and six references to stuff I know in your review and I got all happy. First of all, Rilzit. I knew what it was called before I read the ending of your review. ;) It's one of those long ones a lot of people know that I hope the Delaware story will be as popular as. Like you know those stories that everyone knows and they're all, "I LOVE THAT STORY" and it's pretty much famous? Yeah, I've been wanting one of those forever, so we'll see. (Wow, look at that, I just contradicted myself from the last review.) Second, yes, I watch "vicTORious" and I saw that episode. :) It was one my dad and my whole family watched before I moved up here to NJ. Honestly I'm such a drama queen I'll probably do what Trina does and moan and groan the whole time. XD I did that with my adenoid/tonsil removal except that I kept talking despite the fact that it hurt. And I was like "IT HURTS SO MUCH" and my sister had them out at the same time so she's like "THEN STOP TALKING—OWW" and I'm like "YEAH, NOT HAPPENING" because if you know anything about me (which you don't because my profile page is like almost blank) you know I talk so much that people WISH I would shut up once in a while. I can't help it, I have lots of things to say. D: Anyway, during that time I ate a _shitload_ of Thai rice without the curry stuff and it was amazing and I miss it. ;_; -accepts plushies to reduce sadness-

… -stabs Gaz's plushie-

Sorry, I hate her. ._.

… -makes Zim and Dib plushie kiss-

XDDDD

**my name is paper YAH – **Je sais! Il étonne très, n'est-ce pas? D:

...oh, my mistake, I thought you know French.

Because I do.

Not even kidding.

**MewxRetasu – **omg, I'm so happy. And you know why? Because I am no longer the newbie, and I am now one of those people who writes a story that newbies read to catch up on the fanfiction. That seriously makes me way happy, even though being the newbie was fun while it lasted, lol. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoy my story and if you have any questions about the show, I've been pretty much researching it until my fingers bleed so ask me anything. :) Awh, wisdom teeth just suck. ;_;

**rejectsuperstar – **It's a tragic flaw in his character. ;_;

**sender unknown – **Because people are so mean, and because the Tallests are assholes. ;_; Seriously, if I was there I'd be going Chuck Norris on their ass. And if that makes me a crazed fangirl, so be it. I just know that if Dib and I were friends/dating/whatever, I'd be fucking the Tallests up, or even if we weren't friends or whatever because no one deserves that. -sigh- I am such a hippie. I believe we should all love everyone and do good things and then the world will get better.

**Storm – **lol, I used to be known for my cliffhangers but then I started scaring even myself with them. And now I'm back because they're just too much fun. No, no, I can't dance. D: MTV probably won't be there which is good because I am really horrible at any kind of dancing unless it's sexual, ferrealz. I don't even know why. My sister can dance. She's Italian and gets all the good in life. ;_; Except I can honestly say I'm prettier, although her dancing makes it so she doesn't need to be pretty. XD Wow, I sound so conceited. Anyway, I'm German so I just eat a lot and know how to make good chocolate, and I can't even do those right. ;_;

**If you stay tuned, I will tell you a funny story about sweater dresses. Pique your interest? Good. Then please read on.**

"Dib?"

The voice sounded the way that Dib thought angels might when taking people to heaven. It was soft, gentle, and echoed just the slightest bit. Her hands were on him, too—his cheeks, his jaw. They mapped out his eyes and nose carefully, as if the angel was afraid she might break him.

Dib tried to speak, but it only came out in a whisper. "Is this...heaven?"

"Heaven? Of course not. Being an inferior species, humans might believe in the foolish concept of the afterlife, but Irkens know better than to believe what they cannot see with their eyes or feel with their antennae."

There would have been a jump in his heartbeat if he'd been able to have one. "Zim?" he breathed, trying to open his eyes. Was that a breeze? Why was there a breeze here on the Massive? Dib ran over the logic in his mind—no air molecules, no wind. But they were on a ship with oxygen supply. But what had they said in school? Breeze was created from the rotation of cool and warm air. They had both on the ship. But there shouldn't have been a constant breeze unless people were constantly walking by him, and he could sense that they weren't.

Wait—how could he sense that?

"Of course it's Zim, you human-that-smells-better-than-humans-usually-do," Zim responded uncharacteristically nicely. "I was beginning to think that you were never going to wake up."

"Did...did our plan work?"

"Yes." A pause. "It did. The Massive is now far, far away."

"Oh my god," Dib sighed in relief. "Oh my _god_."

He'd been expecting to feel an enormous weight lifted from his shoulders, or at least be ecstatic enough to open his eyes. But absolutely nothing changed except that he became even more exhausted.

"Why am I so tired?" he wondered aloud. "Why can't I open my eyes?"

Zim's answer was hesitant. "Because your body is too weak, Dib. Give it some time and it should shape up. Just worry about getting some more rest—we'll be back on Earth soon."

Dib was too happy to oblige, and he felt his head being guided into Zim's lap as the alien gently ran his claws over Dib's face.

* * *

He could hear things that weren't sound.

_Why did it have to be him?_

Dib wasn't sure if he was reading Zim's mind or doing something else, or if he was imagining or dreaming it altogether.

_Things are so complicated now._

_What?_ Dib wanted to ask. _What's so complicated?_

_This goddamn planet...no one will understand. It's as if they all had squid brains._

Oh. Zim must have been thinking about how he'd been revealed. But then the first question didn't really make sense. What else could he be talking about? And there was that damn breeze again.

"You're awake," Zim said, and Dib was.

* * *

The first thing he noticed was that he and Zim were lying side-by-side and that the sunset had lit the sky brilliant orange.

"It's beautiful," he said quietly, not asking anything about what had happened.

It was time to just be.

He saw Zim nod from beside him. "As ironic as it sounds, I, too, think it's beautiful." Zim reached down between them and took hold of Dib's hand. "The people inhabiting it are the problem. Have you never wondered what it's like to fly among the stars?"

"All the time," Dib admitted.

"Then why won't you leave?"

"Because," Dib said simply, "it's my home."

Zim was mostly silent after that. Finally, Dib could feel him clench his claws and say, "You're stupid. You're so stupid. I don't understand how you can still want to live here with all these people ridiculing you. Belittling you. Stomping you into the dirt. You become close with an alien who can fly you across the universe and you are never required to come back home. Yet you continue to pledge yourself to your home planet as if it's ever done a _thing_ for you."

Dib looked knowingly at Zim.

"Okay," Zim snapped, "I know that I just about described myself. But I'm an invader. I'm not going to think to myself, 'Let's build a little home here on Earth and never go into space again.' Besides, you have it much worse than me."

Silence.

"Do you care about me?"

Zim blinked. "What?"

"Do you care about me, Zim? You've done all this and you've had so many chances to kill me, but you kept me alive."

"Don't be silly—I'm just saving your death for a later time."

"And you like kissing me."

"Kissing?"

Dib laughed despite himself. "When we press our mouths together. You like it." He moved closer and smiled at Zim. "You like it."

"The ritual?"

Dib nodded.

Zim squeezed Dib's hand. "Yes, I do. It pains me to admit it, especially as an Irken, but I do." He traced Dib's lips with the other claw and asked, "Would it be alright if we did the ritual when it's not needed to be performed?"

"Oh god, yes," Dib whispered right away, and he spread his hand to cup the back of Zim's head. For some reason, his hand felt a bit different, but the euphoria he was feeling as he leaned in to kiss Zim swept the thought away to be recalled at a later time. He breathed in softly as Zim's sharp teeth pierced his lower lip just the slightest bit, but it was a good pain, sending shivers down his spine. Zim slipped his claws up Dib's shirt and pushed gently at his chest.

"I'm not sure—" Zim began.

"You're doing fine. You're supposed to want to improvise." Dib paused for just a beat after that and then wrapped his arms around Zim as the alien's serpentine tongue slid inside his mouth and licked at Dib's own. _That's strange,_ he said silently, _my tongue feels practically numb on the sides. Why is that? _Of course he only thought it for a second before returning to making out with Zim.

_Who'd have thought,_ he asked himself in the back of his mind, _that THIS would happen?_

* * *

Zim seemed extremely jumpy as they were flying home. Dib assumed that it was because Membrane had tried to dissect him, but he had to know that Dib would protect him, right? One wrong move and Dib would have him into the ship and flying halfway across the country. Zim wasn't really an enemy to him anymore—he could tell that the alien was just bluffing about killing him, almost like a running joke. And if he was serious—well, Dib would deal with that when it came to it.

"It's gonna be alright," he said, resting his head on Zim's shoulder. "I'm not going to let them do anything to you."

"It's not me I'm worried about," Zim muttered.

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

Zim shook his head. "Nohing. Don't worry yourself about it."

They came to Dib's house that night and both of them were horrified at what they saw. Surrounding it were news vans, police cars, reporters, and half a dozen other things. Camera flashes were constantly going off like a myriad of strobe lights, and Dib could see red-orange flashes of fire occasionally throughout the house.

"Gaz," he said to himself.

"It's because they believe your maggot-infested parental unit," Zim explained. "He told them about me and now they won't leave him alone."

"He loves it," Dib said. "He does that sort of thing all the time."

And it was true—Membrane was often being interviewed for his scientific findings and even had his own TV show that, surprisingly, everyone loved despite the fact that it was science. Membrane would be eating this attention up. He probably wouldn't talk to Dib unless Zim was there.

"We gotta go in," Dib said.

Zim stiffened. "What? With all those HUMANS around?"

"Just keep your wig on and they won't recognize you." Dib scowled and crossed his arms. "They never did before. Fucking assholes."

"I can't! They'll know it's me because I'm the same kid with the skin condition, remember? They'll know that was fake, and by now, they'll be madder than ever!" Zim scanned the house for somewhere to land. Finally he spotted a place in the back, in the bathroom window. "We'll go in through there," he said, pointing to the spot on the ship's map. "And you can attempt to tell your father that the Massive is on a very different flight pattern."

Zim bought the ship around and both of them climbed in through the window while Tak's ship cloaked itself and landed. The window wasn't very big, and although Zim had an easy enough time getting in, Dib wasn't so lucky. He found himself stuck with his front half hanging in and his back half hanging out. Anyone walking by would see a random pair of legs sticking out of the window, kicking around wildly.

"You need to get in!" Zim shouted in a whisper.

"Oh, like I'm not trying!" Dib snapped angrily. "You think I'm just hanging out here for fun? And—and why the _fuck_ can I taste the air?"

"It's your hips—they're too wide!"

"Well, blame fucking genetics, then!"

Zim groaned and wrapped his arms around Dib's shoulders. "Stupid, stupid Dib," he muttered, trying to pull him in. "As if this wasn't already a complicated situation!"

With much trouble, Dib finally tumbled in, causing both of them to sprawl on the floor. When they met each others' eyes, Dib bought Zim's face close and kissed him, which Zim happily accepted, gripping Dib's arms. But a few seconds into it, Dib said, "Come on...we gotta go."

"Flighty worm-baby," Zim said to himself, but followed after Dib.

The hallway looked normal enough but beyond Dib's door, Gaz's flash of fire could be seen every few seconds. There was a muffled shouting between a male and female—probably an officer and Gaz. Dib figured she had it covered but he wanted to check on her just in case. Besides, it was his room and he was going to see what the hell was going on in there, and hopefully get them out of his room.

He opened the door slowly and stood there watching as Gaz screamed obscenities at the cop and shot fireballs at him.

"What the fuck?" Dib shouted amidst the noise. "What's going on?"

Gaz turned and stared daggers at the two of them. But suddenly, her face took on a look of surprise and then disapproval.

"Dib," she said, "when did you become an Irken?"

**AHMAGAAD. How many of you saw that coming. I know there are quite a few stories where he becomes Irken, but who says I can't have my own, huh? WHO. Anyway, there are quite a few hints if you look over the chapter again. ;)**

**As promised, the story about the sweater dress. This woman came into the store the other day and was all, "Do you work here?" and it was like no, I just wear this badge with JL on it because it's a new fashion statement, yes, I work here. What I REALLY said was "yes" and she said "Do you know where I can get sweater dresses?"**

**Now, see, this was where I froze up. Because I know the location of the sweaters, and I know the location of the dresses, and this logic of a sweater dress was new to me. My brain began to melt out my ears as I attempted to digest this new information that sweater dresses were, in fact, existent**—

**No, I'm kidding, I knew they were. Anyway, I just thought it was funny.**

**Right now I am more or less obsessed with the song "Your Love" by I See Stars. That boy has a range. It's hilarious because I base a guy first by his range and then by his looks. XD Anyway, the original is not my cup of tea, but I love the cover. :3**


	13. It's a Good Thing This Is Almost Done

**A/N: I couldn't resist putting another chapter up. :3**

**MoonToy – **Of course you didn't see it coming, because I am the master of surprise. ;)

**ngrey651 –** You think my feet have fungal infections? D: I'll have you know my feet are actually very clean except for the bloody bits at the back because I wore shoes too small for me for like an entire day and ripped open my skin. But as long as you don't touch that part, you're good.

**sender unknown – **Yeah, I figured some of you might be smart little Twizzlers and guess it from the get-go, which is why I put the clues in. :3 lol, yeah, although he's a genius for his use of satire concerning that kind of thing. I mean, some people don't believe stuff even if it's right in front of their own eyes. -sigh- Anyway, I applaud Jhonen for aforementioned use of satire.

**Xenatig – **D'awww, kissing. And yeah, you're supposed to be curious about what happened on the Massive. It'll be explained in this (I think) chapter so your questions should be answered. :) Work is definitely fun. Exhausting mentally and kind of tiring physically, but definitely fun.

**pooface – **I've always thought Dib could be the kind of guy to grow up with wide hips. XD Don't ask me why. Plus it was just priceless. Hm...well, a sweater dress, to put it simply, is a sweater that is also a dress. ;)

**Invader Ang – **One of the things I focus on while writing IZ is the fact that Dib and Gaz supposedly have powers. In some episodes, Gaz's hands will light on fire or she'll teleport or whatever. Like, take "Game Slave 2" for instance; she teleports (possibly using lightning) five or six times, and apparently has super speed since she can write THE GAME IS MINE on the mirror without Iggins even seeing her. And in "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever", right after Dib calls her, she shows up in Tak's ship. I was surfing the interwebz and found something on that TVTropes site or whatever the hell it's called and it was saying something about how it's a theory that Dib and Gaz both have powers as results of being clones, although Dib's are never shown. I write lots of weird stuff no one thinks about. :)

**Darkdagers – **You'll see. ;3

**decadentheaven – **As if it wasn't serious before, lol. Thanks for being a silent reader, you bitch. D: No, I'm totally kidding, I love all my readers, no matter how silent. I just like to know people are reading my stories, but it's hard when there's no read count. ;_; Anyway, I adore irken!Dib as well. :) I have yet to find a story where I like it being written, though. There was one about Dib having been an Irken before being a human and losing his memory, though, and that was pretty good.

**Invader LeKO – **I'm glad I could be the exception to your anti-ZADR streak. :3 I always love writing and having people tell me they usually hate the subject I'm writing on but that I make it work for them. It's a serious compliment to me as a writer. ;3 I'll check out your story fer sure.

**Alrighty, second to last chapter. Let's see if it lives up to expectations.**

"Haha, Gaz, very funny." Dib crossed his arms. "Now, seriously, what the hell is going on?"

"You _traitor_!" Gaz shrieked, and sent a flurry of fireballs at him. Most missed, but one of them singed something on the top of Dib's head that didn't feel like hair or skin. It was the same thing that he'd been tasting the air and feeling the breeze with, and suddenly white-hot pain was surging through his body. He fled to the bathroom again, Zim right behind him, and collapsed into the bathtub, whimpering and holding his head in pain.

He felt Zim kneel in front of him and press Dib's head against his chest, and he could almost ignore the pain.

"I had to do it," he whispered, running his claws through Dib's hair. It felt miraculous. "I'm so sorry. You would have died."

"You made me an Irken," Dib said hollowly.

"I did. But listen. The Tallests were going to perform horrific experiments on you, ones that would scar you permanently. They were TREMENDOUSLY dangerous, and you'd probably die. When I came to collect you, you were unconscious in a test tube with wires in you everywhere. Tubes down your throat, in your back. I couldn't take you off of the life support. Too many of your organs would have been damaged. So I had to perform emergency procedures. Please don't hate me for what I did. Please, Dib. It was entirely and incredibly necessary."

Dib brought his hands up and studied them. Three fingers, all so sharp they could slice bread, and all dark camo green. He hadn't looked at his hands before now. They'd felt normal.

And that pain. His antennae. He ran a claw over the one that hadn't been burned. It was sensitive to the touch and twitched under his claw. An _antenna._ He had antennae now. And the Pak...he reached behind him and felt it. It was a real Irken Pak now.

"Can I see?" he asked.

Zim helped him up and they went over to the mirror together. Dib stared at himself in amazement. His skin was just a shade lighter than Zim's, rich and green. He'd still kept his human hair, which fell thick and inky black around his shoulders, the scythe at the top slashing back. But his eyes...they were the color of warm honey. Dib traced the outsides with a claw, startled at how wide they were. There were no whites―they were just two pure spheres of amber that looked like they could go on forever. He was sadistically amused to see that he'd stayed the same height and that Zim still only came up to his shoulder.

"You really do make an attractive Irken," Zim said, blinking his own big red eyes. When Dib didn't say anything, Zim added, "You're not still mad at me, are you?"

"I'm not mad," Dib said very quietly.

"Y-You're not?"

"No." Dib took a deep breath and then whirled on Zim, amber eyes blazing. "I'M FURIOUS!"

Zim squeaked in terror, then clapped his hands over his mouth. When he saw that Dib was going to chase him, he ran as fast as he could down the stairs, shouting, "I'm sorry! It was the only way!" with Dib following right behind him. Dib's blood was pounding in his head―not in his ears, he had to remember, because he didn't have those any longer. He was now exactly what he was trying to destroy, and he couldn't stand it. How had Zim thought this was okay?

He cornered Zim in front of the basement, spread-eagling him against the door to the elevator. Zim's antennae were pressed very flat against his head, hidden mostly in his hair, and tears were streaming down his face, tears of incredible fear. His breathing was heavy and quick, as if he was hyperventilating.

"How could you think that this was the right thing to do?" Dib demanded in a voice that hardly sounded like him. He could feel electricity gather around his right claw, but ignored it. He was way too angry. "I HATE Irk! I hate your whole goddamn RACE! I hate the Massive and I hate the Tallests and I hate the fucking armada, and I hate YOU, Zim! I fucking HATE you!"

It felt like nails were being driven into Zim's chest. Years ago, what Dib was saying would be expected. But right now...he didn't want Dib to _hate_ him. They were close. They were "in love" as humans called it. Or at least he'd thought they were. Now, with Dib screaming at him, he wasn't so sure.

Dib's spider legs exploded out of his Pak―subconsciously, because he didn't even notice. "Damn you. Damn you to fucking HELL, you cold-hearted BITCH!" he shrieked, and three legs held Zim in place while one held its knifepoint against Zim's neck, a scalpel ready to slit his throat.

Zim couldn't stop himself from whimpering.

"I don't understand," he whispered. "Wh-Why are y-you d-doing th-this?"

Why _was_ he doing this? Dib wasn't quite sure. He knew that he was angry because he'd become an Irken, but was that really any reason to kill Zim? After all, he'd only done it to save Dib's life and that was worthy of _Ripley's Believe It or Not_ in itself. But there was some kind of ancient anger flooding his system, as if he was feeling not only his own anger but the anger of a million Irkens. As if he had lost any shred of humanity he had and was now part of something bigger, something more than himself. What had Zim said? Irkens were hive animals?

Still, that didn't stop him from wanting to slice Zim's neck. He tried to rebel against the feeling, but it was too strong to fight off.

"Because you're a _monster_," he hissed, and brought one spidery leg up to decapitate Zim on the downward swing.

The door behind Zim burst open, causing him to fly halfway across the room. Dib had only a second to feel white-hot panic before one of Membrane's assistants plunged a syringe filled with a sedative into Dib's neck, the neck that Zim knew was probably still tender from the change. He watched in horror as Dib went limp, his spider legs retracting into his Pak, and barely managed to say "Zim" before falling asleep. The team dragged Dib back down into the lab, not even giving a glance to Zim, who was on the floor in the other room.

"Oh god," he said to himself.

He knew what would go on down there. It would be the same thing that had happened to him. They'd cut Dib open and study his squeedily-spooch, and who knew if Dib could survive that like Zim had? He was a human by nature, and Zim knew for a fact that, ironically, Dib fainted at the sight of his own blood, despite being so bloodthirsty for Zim's.

But hadn't he just tried to kill Zim? Such actions should not be forgiven. Dib had been about to kill him, and he really would have if the team hadn't come in when they did―

Of _course!_ How could he have been so _stupid?_ He'd failed to remember that Dib was not, in fact, a defective like himself. His Pak carried true Irken ruthlessness, and it was transferred to his pathetic, still all-too-human mind. He'd been overcome by emotion. The slight anger he'd been feeling toward Zim had been easily picked up and magnified by the Pak, who completely understood the emotion. Damn the Control Brains. Damn them all.

Zim sighed to himself. Dib was a true invader―merciless, bloodthirsty, and out for power. He could only hope to bring his Dib back even a little.

He had to find some way to get down to the lab without being seen, and that seemed impossible. After all, he was an Irken too, and who was to say that the team would be satisfied with just one specimen?

Aha! It came to him in a flurry of genius, like his plans always did. After all, he was, on average, much smarter than any _human._ He'd use the nano-technology from five years ago, which he'd been perfecting, and slip into the lab unnoticed. Then he could return to normal size and get Dib out of the lab without anyone seeing them. But where would they go after that? They couldn't go anywhere on Earth and it was a safe bet they'd be vaporized before they even set foot on Irk.

Oh well. As the humans said, he'd "cross that bridge" when he "came to it".

* * *

Dib's antennae picked up sounds before he was even conscious. He realised in his dream state that it would be almost impossible to sneak up on Zim while he was asleep; these antennae could hear _everything._ He could hear the scientists' footsteps even though he was pretty sure that the lab members wore soft-soled boots. The noise couldn't be louder than the breeze. And of course he could feel the breeze as well and sense currents and shifts and changed in it as if he had a weather vane atop his head.

Things didn't have to flood back to him. He knew exactly where he was and what was going on as he awoke. When his eyes opened to reveal white tile floor and a tray of scalpels and other tools, he wasn't surprised. He was pretty certain that Membrane was planning on dissecting him despite the fact that they were related. That didn't surprise him either.

The anger was still there, and now a feeling had disappeared. The feeling of familiarity, the feeling of closeness with Earth. It was as if he had always been an Irken. He thought of Membrane and chills ran down his spine. Disgusting. And Gaz. She'd shot at him. She'd shot at _him_. She was nothing more than a sniveling water sac, poorly constructed on the outside. Spindly little arms and legs. Dib's were much nicer...and longer. He flexed his claws in satisfaction, although he could feel that his wrists were in restraints. He was quite a tall Irken. A very ancient part of him found that aesthetically pleasing. Height was good.

Earth. Nothing more than a ball of dirt. So terribly primitive in technology. He longed for the purple color of Irk, the buildings reaching into the atmosphere. The Massive. He wanted to be on the Massive with his Tallests.

And through it all, a low hum in the back of his mind said, in a voice older than time itself, _**YES, YOU ARE CORRECT IN YOUR THINKING, LITTLE SMEET.**_

Yes. A smeet. Very technically, that was what he was.

He felt warm. He'd pleased the Control Brains. He had done well.

He could hear the human he'd once regarded as parental talking in a low voice to the other scientists, discussing the best way to dissect him. This was their second captured Irken, and they'd let the first one escape. That would not happen again. Dib snickered to himself. That's what _they_ thought. He was an Irken, a master of elusion. No cell could hold him.

He figured this would be easy enough to escape from. With a single thought, his spider legs would shoot out of his Pak and rip everyone to shreds. He focused on the command in his mind and waited for the metallic shifting in his Pak.

Nothing happened.

"Hey," he said in surprise, then screamed it. "HEY! What the HELL did you do to my Pak-legs?"

Membrane came around front and said to Dib, "We disabled them, alien. We couldn't have you trying to escape, now, could we?"

"I am _Irken_, filthy human!" Dib spat, antennae laid back against his head in pure rage. "Refrain from using your SIMPLE human TERMS around me! I am a member of the IRKEN ELITE and you will pay for ANY crimes committed against me! The Tallests will HEAR of your TRAITOROUS...TREACHERY," he finished weakly, remembering that you could only be a traitor if you were in alliance with the race in question in the first place. "YES, and you shall be CONSUMED by REMORSE. You will BOW to the Irken Empire. And TREMBLE! Yes, there shall be some of that, too, yes."

"You're all talk, alien. Now would you mind laying still as we peek at your insides?" He didn't even wait for an answer before saying, "Of course you wouldn't. Alright, team, let's go."

Dib's heart began to pound. He was glad it could do that again, but he wasn't too happy that Membrane was actually going to do this. Did he not know that this alien was his son? Or did he not care either way? That sounded like something he'd do. Not that it mattered. Dib had given up on having any affection for his father quite a while ago.

_**AN IRKEN...WITH A HUMAN FATHER? THIS IS NOT THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS. IT IS WRONG.**_

Dib hummed along with the voice in what he could hear was an ultrasonic frequency. Yes, the voice was right. This was not his father. Irkens did not have human fathers. The human was just a pathetic, stinking worm-baby.

He could understand exactly why Zim called them that now. Humans really were a disgusting, miserable little species. Too soft and feeling, with too many emotions. They'd make terrible invaders. He continued to hum at that frequency as Membrane and the team rooted through their tools and finally pressed a knife to the small of Dib's back under the trenchcoat. He'd think. He'd have to keep himself calm to think of a rational way out of here.

What the hell was that buzzing?

His antennae were picking up a barely audible hum, in front of him and to the right. He slid his huge amber eyes over and realised he could magnify things with his eyesight, and what he saw made his breath catch in his throat, despite everything. This was Zim. Zim had made him into an Irken. It was good to be Irken. So Zim had to be good.

_**YES,**_ the Control Brain hummed. **_THIS IS YOUR MATE. IRKEN MATES ARE GOOD._**

"Zim," Dib said happily.

* * *

**So there you have it. The second to last chapter. :) Now this is a kind of long author's note but has a few important things in it, so stick with me.**

**1.) I've put out a new story named "Elf", and yes, it is a rewrite of the movie with the elf in NYC and everything as the title suggests because I suck at coming up with titles and because that title was supposed to catch peoples' eyes. It's got two reviews so far so go on over and read the first chapter and let me know what you think because that will be going on for the rest of this month and probably about half of January, depending on how much feedback I get (again). This one isn't handwritten so chapters should be longer than these chapters although it's not a guarantee. It's also a ZaDR so yeah. :D**

**2.) I'm on chapter five in the new story which at the moment is called _It Gets Cold In Detroit_ although I might change it. I'm not THAT pleased with the title but it'll do for now. Anyway it should be long and probably about fifty chapters. I have a ton of scenes planned out in my head and there are so many that I can only imagine this being way long. I also have a few ideas...one is a "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" kind of thing where Zim shrinks Dib because he infiltrated but GIR accidentally shrinks Zim as well and they end up in Zim's front yard and they have this adventure all across the city and basically that's just because I'm perverted and I find the whole microphilia thing hot so plsdontkillmethx. The other one is just a draft in my mind right now but basically the scene I saw was a war-torn Earth trying to defend itself against Irk and miserably failing, and Earth gets conquered and used as a military planet or something. Anyway, in my mind I saw Dib sitting in some kind of cell writing to Zim or communicating with him somehow, maybe like a futuristic tablet sort of thing. I don't know if I'm going to make him Irken or human. I simply adore irken!Dib but I also love the "I'm so fragile, I need an Irken taking care of me because I might get broke" human Dib. I don't know. Anyway, that one should make an appearance in a month or two once I flesh it out.**

**3.) There was an _iCarly_ cameo last chapter. If you caught it (or go back and catch it), I'll write a oneshot from a request you give me, but it has to be specific. Not just "Derr, I want some general ZaDR fluff, lol, whatever you want" because that gives me nothing to work on. I work best with "wtf" kind of things, especially stuff having to do with the paranormal or supernatural, and that's just because that's what I write. I can't write normal highschool relationships for the life of me which is why IZ is so fun to write because you HAVE to include the paranormal. Anyway, pairings I do are: Zim/Dib. YES, THAT'S IT, LOL. But seriously. I only write ZaDR at the moment. I suppose if you gave me a totally FANTASTIC prompt for a ZaTR or DaTR I could attempt to factor Tak into some romance. But that's about it. I hate Gaz, and I will seriously never write her having actual romance. Sorry. Anyway, first person to review with the line and what it was originally said about gets the oneshot.**

**4.) I will be writing some Christmas-y oneshots in a few days or so. I have a cute idea for one where**―**wait, I'm not going to tell you. ;)**

**5.) I'll be updating my profile page shortly so check back sometime soon. It'll have my likes, dislikes, and so on about the IZ fandom and maybe about my regular self if you're that interested. Which you're not. But it makes me feel better, okay? ;_;**

**...please review. (AND ELF, TOO.)**


	14. Z?

**A/N: Well, here is the last chapter. ;_; I was going to post it tomorrow night but I figured you guys would all be busy at parties and with family and so on and I'll be out myself, so yeah...but anyway, let me get on to responding to reviews.**

**decadent heaven **― D'aww, yeah. Dib needs his Zim. :) :) lolol, you shut your mouth, gurl. Yes, sadly this is the last chapter but you can definitely expect more from me because I don't plan on stopping IZ fanfiction anytime soon. ;)

**Darkdagers** ― He's just a total sweetheart underneath it all. ;)

**xX Eternal Promisee** ― I can't keep writing forever. ;_; Stop tormenting me with your insistence of keeping it going! -breaks down into tears- lol, but you can be assured there will be more ZaDR and IZ stories from me so you can find another one that strikes your fancy and read that and follow it. Maybe the one with the war-torn Earth because that's going to be pretty much ALL ZaDR with Dib being all Irken and helpless and Zim coming to save him. :) :)

**Xenatig** ― No kidding. ;_; The Tallests are horrid. No, the fireballs are real. Like I said somewhere else, she displays powers in the show and I figured that it would be fun to write about so you can rest assured that a ton of my stories will have their powers in them. The Control Brains are something that most people (from what I see) don't write about, and you can probably tell that I like covering things people haven't written about. :) After all, the Tallests are just figureheads and the Control Brains are the real ones that are the original Irkens and drive the Irken race on. -shrug- Thank you, thank you, I'm looking forward to writing them, haha. They're gonna be way fun.

**Invader LeKO **― lol, I have perverts for readers.

**MewxRetasu **― That is the result of some research I did on IZ before I wrote the story. :) I was looking at the IZ Wiki and it says that Zim's Pak is actually defective and that's why he's not really affected like the other Irkens are by the Control Brains and driven to obey his Tallests at all costs (like not showing up to Impending Doom II; since he's a defective he didn't listen, haha). So I figured that Dib wouldn't have the same thing going on, and that he would have the ancient hive-anger that hive animals do when one of them is hurt or angered. It was fun to write. ;) You can probably tell I hate writing Membrane, too. He reminds me too much of my own mother who I despise so it's easy to write Dib's hate for him. XD

**snakehands **― I SHALL.

**1337kitsune **― Thank you, haha. I talk all about that in **MewxRetasu**'s review response, lol. Neither is the cameo, sorry. D: But they do sound like they could be cameos, even though they're not. XD So good try.

**MoonToy **― I left you speechless, hm? ;)

**heartofstone15 **― Friended, sent message, et cetera, haha. I'm such a sick bastard for thinking that's sexy but I can't help it. I leik zeh BDSM. D:

**sender unknown **― Racist Dib. XD Yeah, the mates thing was pretty adorable. Like I said, hive animals, so they've got a lower form of romance but it's like...eh. The Irkens are more advanced than the humans but they still have the basic romance instincts unlike humans who repopulate their planet by romance-related acts, so Irkens would have mates instead of boyfriends. D: Still, it's cute. :3 There are pictures all over Google of amber-eyed irken!Dib, just type "ZaDR" or "Dib Irken" into Google Images. :)

**my name is paper YAH **― Eh, you'd be surprised. ;)

**I'll spare you any conversation and just get on to the chapter.**

Zim was surprised at Dib's reaction. Hadn't he just been about to kill him twenty minutes ago? But now, he was almost glowing. Zim could see the warmth in Dib's amber eyes, and not just because there was a honey color to them. He was excited to see Zim against all odds. Zim figured it was a good idea not to question it and to just go along with it since it made things much easier.

It was simple enough to distract the humans. Once they discovered the ship, Zim sent out a hologram of the cruiser flying away, causing the team to erupt into chaos and chase after the hologram, which led them into several other rooms. Zim, meanwhile, restored the original size of the ship and got out, hopping onto the ground, his black boots making a louder noise than he'd anticipated on the white tile. But no one came―they were all too busy chasing the ship. Zim knelt in front of Dib and took the Irken's face in his claws gently. "Are you alright? Did they hurt you?"

"No," Dib said, his voice detached and dreamy. "Hi, Zim."

"Uhm...hello, Dib. There's no time to exchange pleasantries, however. It is imperative that we get you out of those restraints." Zim began to get up when suddenly he felt a light pulling at his antennae. Based on the course of events so far he could guess what had occurred, but he looked up the slightest bit anyway to make sure.

His antennae were tangled gently and loosely with Dib's.

He could feel himself turning a dark green as blood rushed to his cheeks. "Dib," he sighed happily, "I'm glad we're able to do this a way I'm familiar with. But I really do regret to inform you that we haven't much time. I must get you out of these restraints before something truly terrible happens and we're kept apart from each other." He added the last part to get Dib to cooperate. As of right now Dib was preoccupied with mating and courting and wasn't quite in his rational mind.

"Oh―right." Dib lay nearly motionless as Zim worked on the restraints, easily snapping them off after only ten or fifteen seconds.

"Come now, my Dib," Zim coaxed, needing Dib to continue to keep his eye on the goal. "If we're to escape we must move quickly. Into the Voot Runner with you."

Dib climbed in with his Pak-legs, finding them enabled again. They were actually, Zim thought, rather nice. Wonderfully sharp and very nimble-looking, too. He grinned to himself as he got in the ship as well. If only this had happened earlier. Dib's thought process was Irken now, bent on conquering planets and leaving mass destruction. If Zim had been able to turn Dib Irken when they were in middle skool it would have saved him a lot of trouble and his mission would have been a success. Dib would have ruled alongside―

The antennae tangled in his again, causing Zim's squeedily-spooch to jump in excitement and adoration. The human kissing ritual had given him the same reaction.

"Dib?" he asked.

"Mm?" Dib responded, drowsy with happiness and content.

"Might I ask why you're doing that?"

Dib ran a claw sensually down Zim's side. "Because I'm courting you."

"Well, yes, I'm quite aware of Irken courtship, but we seem to be in an emergency situation, Dib." Zim powered up the ship and tried to decide if it would be acceptable to blast through the wall in front of them. "And besides, I thought you were angry with me because I turned you into an Irken."

"No...being Irken is good."

Zim could hardly believe it. It wasn't the thought process he was having a hard time believing, especially since it was the same as his own thought process; it was that Dib was so very accepting of it. The Dib Zim knew would rather slit his throat than become an Irken. It had been comforting to see him act that way before even if he had been about to kill Zim. There had to be some way to reprogram him back to his original thought pattern. It was very nice bring courted by Dib, but Zim would rather have it happen the human way. The way that let Zim know Dib honestly meant it, even though they'd been two different species.

He'd have to put it off for now, though. With a quick motion, he blasted the wall into shreds and flew the Voot Runner through it, emerging somewhere in the front lawn. He was sure they were home-free until suddenly something hit the bottom of the ship, causing it to shudder and then plummet to the ground.

A very shaky Zim got out of the smoking cruiser a few seconds later. He looked around for the source of the attack and his eyes settled on―

"Gaz, you stinking WORM-BEAST!" Zim shrieked, claws clenching. The blood in his head pounded with anger. "Why must you ALWAYS interfere at the WORST POSSIBLE TIMES?"

Gaz was standing on the front lawn with fireballs rotating around both fists, her eyes so furious that they looked inhuman. "Zim," she hissed. "You are _not_ going to get away from me this time. I've put up with yours and Dib's shit long enough, and I am _so over it!"_ Without waiting for an explanation, she made a throwing motion at Zim and one of the fireballs flew through the air at him.

Zim's Pak-legs formed an asterisk in front of him and dissipated the fireball when it was about to hit. However, it singed the ends and since the legs were remotely connected to Zim's nerves, he could feel a slight burn. He yelped in pain and jumped back. Seconds later, Dib came out of the ship, looking confused. "What happened?" he asked, blinking his big amber eyes. Slowly he surveyed the scene until he spotted Gaz and his eyebrows knitted together. "_You_," he growled deep in his throat.

"You fucking _asshole_!" Gaz screamed, and launched a barrage of fireballs at Dib, one after the other. Each was aimed with deadly precision, and it was only by hearing their paths with his antennae that Dib was able to narrowly escape being hit, ending up on the grass. He sat there, paralyzed by fear, as Gaz stalked murderously towards him, the womens' trenchcoat she was wearing making her seem like a hideous parody of Dib. "You joined them. You joined the Irkens. You _bastard_. Your whole LIFE was about killing them but now suddenly you're best friends with the fucking armada. The fucking Massive. The fucking Tallests."

Dib involuntarily smiled at the mention of the Tallests. The Control Brain was feeding him thoughts. _**YES, THE TALLESTS ARE YOUR LEADERS. RESPECT THEM AND LOVE THEM,**_ it hummed. Dib grinned wider.

"You think this is _funny_? _FUCK YOU!_" Gaz sent another fireball, twice as large as the others, whistling through the air towards Dib. "_I AM SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT!_"

The words sparked something inside of the human remainders of Dib's mind. Instantly he was reminded of the times she'd tormented him as they grew up; his Irken mind took the bad memories and instantly translated them into a single emotion, a single reaction. The Irken in him remembered the experience, the trauma, the endless angst, and it funneled into a single thing:

_**KILL HER.**_

Dib pulled his lips back over his teeth and hissed, and he easily slid under the trajectory of the flames. Coming out the other side, he fixed his eyes on Gaz. In his mind, he objectified her, his thoughts easily synchronizing with the Control Brains'. _**THIS IS THE TARGET. THIS IS THE ENEMY. THIS IS WHAT THE IRKEN EMPIRE IS FIGHTING AGAINST. THIS IS THE THREAT TO THE HIVE.**_

_**THIS IS THE THREAT TO THE HIVE.**_

It repeated itself as a mantra in his mind, over and over. This was the enemy. This would halt their progress. This needed to be exterminated.

He watched as Gaz attempted to hit him, but it was almost a game now. His eyesight had sharpened, and he could simply map out the path of the fireballs in his mind, making it easy not only to dodge them but to avoid where they were going to be. No matter how frustrated Gaz got, how fast or hard she threw the fireballs, or how much she screamed at Dib, he saw it ahead of time and reacted accordingly until finally he appeared behind her.

She made the mistake of turning around.

Dib's Pak-legs extended and wrapped around her, pinning her arms and legs to her body. She struggled to get out of his grip, but the metal was much stronger than it appeared. After a few futile seconds, she relaxed and resorted to cursing him out like she'd never done before.

Zim's mind raced from seeing true, original Irken behavior, the way that the most ancient of their race had acted. The way that the Irkens had been before they discovered space travel, before they had basically destroyed their own planet to make it into an enormous launching pad. This was Irken. This was invader behavior. This was what the Control Brains had programmed the Irkens to be like.

"I am done with you," Dib snarled icily. "I am _finished._"

_No,_ Zim was thinking, _he can't seriously be about to―_

He started to step forward, one hand out. "Dib, don't―"

One Pak-leg speared through Gaz's chest and she went limp in his grip, eyes rolling back into her head.

Zim froze where he was, mouth open.

Dib watched Gaz's blood begin to soak through her shirt, and he pointed the leg down so that she slid off of it and onto the ground. He stood over her and smirked as the fires around them raged. And then he shoved his heel into her chest, gathered up all the saliva he had in his mouth, and―

Zim swallowed back vomit. Not even the Irkens were so disrespectful with their dead, especially not ones close to them. An Irken would _never_ spit on a deceased Irken, traitor or not. And here he was witnessing Dib do that to his own sister. "Dib," he said, somewhat quietly. "It was not necessary to be so brutal. So basic. She wouldn't have hurt you. You're far stronger than she was. You could have been more humane. We could have escaped."

"I've been trying to escape," Dib whispered so that Zim had to lean his antennae forward to hear. "I have been trying to escape every day of my life."

Soft sounds came from Dib then, and Zim found himself coming around to Dib's side to see him crying as if someone was ripping his heart in two. He pressed his claws to his face and cried into them so that Zim wouldn't have to see him breaking down, but the Irken did not leave. Instead, he put a comforting claw on Dib's shoulder.

"It's sad," he agreed, "but in time it will be forgotten. Don't allow this to hinder you, Dib. It's not time for regret. Right now, it's time for escape."

"To escape," Dib echoed shakily.

"Yes, to escape." Zim could see the human pain, the human emotion in Dib's eyes, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He'd had to suffer greatly, but his human side was back in control. The Pak would no longer feed him the Control Brains' instincts, and he'd be able to live life as a squishy, soft human-Irken once more. Zim was grateful for that. "Come now, Dib. We've got to get to the base so we can use the emergency ship and choose a route of travel."

Dib walked numbly, hand-in-hand, with Zim across the lawn, not even noticing the sudden lack of media vans and news reporters. He didn't know where they'd gone and he didn't care. It didn't matter anymore.

As they broke into a run through the quiet, dark streets of the city, Dib felt his concerns for humanity shutting off one by one. It wasn't that he'd snapped from them not believing him. It wasn't that he was so angry that he was condemning the planet. No, it wasn't any of that. He drank in the image of Zim running next to him, his lare pink eyes, his smooth green skin, the flimsy antennae on the top of his head. The three-clawed hand gripping his own. He watched and he realised.

It wasn't because he hated humanity. It was because, no matter how closely he looked at Zim, he saw an exact replica of himself.

**THE END**

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**Well, holy shnozzle. I feel so accomplished.**

**By the way, sorry I killed Gaz. My profile gives an explanation to that. It's updated, by the way.**

**Next fic will probably be the war-torn Earth, "wtf is going on" one. I'm thinking Dib will have some kind of tool that helps him go between Irken and human bodies, something that the human resistance on Earth will have designed for him, except he gets captured and drugged so that half the time his tool thing fades out and he switches bodies. Oh, and Miyuki will be in it. It's gonna be awesome. Zim will probably be the leader of some kind of space resistance or something, and he'll be way concerned for Dib and trying to get to Earth to save him but keep having to fight Irkens off and so on and so forth.**

**I have the "Elf" story going if you could please check that out. :)**

**I noticed GIR disappeared at the end, lol. I'm sorry about that. There will be much more GIR in the Delaware story which should start near the starting time of the war story, and that will most likely be around the second week of January.**

**I meant to leave the ending open because I don't like definite endings. I write unexpected ones that people get pissed off at me for. Seriously I ended a story a week or two ago on THF and everyone got so pissed because the whole story turned out to be a simulation the one guy was seeing, and yeah. It was like, dude, sorry, but you guys know I write weird endings. You're my fans, you follow my stories, you know that.**

**If you have any questions, let me know. :)**

**Also once I have a few more stories up I will most likely be doing a vlog answering any questions you have for me about IZ preferences, my stories, or anything else you want to ask me even if it's not fanfiction-related. So I'll be taking questions for that in a bit.**

**Did I mention I love you guys? Thanks so much for reading this even though it was by someone completely new to the IZ fandom. Seriously, I only started watching this show about a month ago and you guys have been amazing to me. :) :) So thank you, and I hope you continue to read the rest of my stories. :)**

**-Delaware V.**


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